(Real Life) Hospital Horror

In case you're wondering where I've been, I'm sorry to report that I spent my favorite time of the year - the last two weeks of October - in the hospital. (Well, technically it was one week in the hospital, and one week recuperating in bed as a nasty tube continued to drain pus from my body. Fun!) What was the source of my ailment? None other than a ruptured appendix - the same medical emergency that killed Houdini more than 80 years ago. Fortunately, I didn't die (which means I'm tougher than Houdini, right?), and I have the disgusting pictures to prove it! If you would like to see what a ruptured appendix looks like up close and personal, click here. (Warning: Gross.)

Unfortunately, my unplanned absence means the following: I have no idea who won the last Queen Mary Dark Harbor ticket giveaway. I wasn't able to give away tickets to the Reign of Terror in Thousand Oaks. I never wrote my review for the Heritage Haunt in Newhall, which I attended (and enjoyed) mere days before I was stricken with appendicitis. And I never made it out to the Forbidden Haunt in Sherman Oaks, the Theatre 68 Haunted House or the Dia de los Muertos celebration at Hollywood Forever, all of which I had planned to cover. And I didn't even get to dress up on the big day! OH WELL. On the flipside, I didn't die shivering from pain and clutching my abdomen on a hospital bed, so hurray for that!

After leaving the hospital, I consoled myself (read: tortured my already addled mind) while recuperating at home with viewings of Halloween II and The Exorcist III, both of which are set largely in hospitals.

I had seen Halloween II before, but never all in one sitting. (I'm kind of a purist/snob when it comes to Halloween sequels, my affinity for the Rob Zombie reimaginings notwithstanding.) While it doesn't approach the perfection of the original, and a lot of stupid people make a lot of stupid choices, it's decent...especially compared to later atrocities like, you know, Halloween 6 or Resurrection.


Jamie Lee's wig is pretty distracting, but I could relate to the panic of being stalked by a killer while still dazed, drugged and disoriented in the hospital. The Halloween decorations at the hospital where I was staying called this movie vividly to mind, especially in my Dilaudid haze.

Let's not forget about the particularly brutal hospital scenes in the 2009 version of H2. Seriously, Michael Myers, why do you have to be such a dick?


As for the third Exorcist film, I had actually never seen it before, although I knew it was supposed to be good. Two very kind friends lent it to me in the spirit of torturing myself psychologically with even more hospital-set horror.

I have to say I dug this movie, and it definitely has its share of disturbing scares. It felt a little long, and the ending was semi-preposterous, but it is, after all, a movie about demonic possession, so I can't get too uppity. They're allowed to go over the top.

There were 3 scenes in this movie that will stay with me for a very long time, and I was able to find images of all three online - enjoy!

OMG WTF MY HEART RATE IS UP NOW!

OH SHIT WHAT SHE'S ON THE CEILING!?!

CATATONICS ARE SO EASY TO POSSESS!!!

In conclusion, try to avoid rupturing your appendix. And if you must, wait until the Halloween season has passed! Learn from my mistakes, friends.

Oh, and Happy (belated) Halloween!

P.S. This was my 100th post.

Movie Review: Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN 2

As previously mentioned, I was fortunate enough to attend the red carpet premiere of Halloween 2 at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood on Monday night. There seems to be a little bit of confusion about how, exactly, this entry can be called "H2" when it is, in fact, the tenth - count 'em! - film in the Halloween series, so here's the skinny: Rob Zombie's 2007 take on Michael Myers was not a sequel, it was a "reimagining." Thus, this film is a sequel to that reimagining, not another entry in the series started by John Carpenter. Got it? It might sound a little strange, but the truth is that the less you think about Carpenter's movie, the more you'll enjoy this one.

How did I feel about it? Overall, I liked it. But I should preface this by saying that I am, in fact, a Rob Zombie fan, and I did like his first Halloween. What I like most about him is that he genuinely seems like a fan of horror and of these movies. Whereas the Texas Chainsaw and Friday the 13th remakes seem like they were made by people who were, at best, ignorant and, at worst, disdainful of the films they were revamping, I think Zombie has the proper reverence for the original Halloween, which just so happens to be my favorite film of all time. True, he has made a lot of changes, but I actually find that more respectful than trying to do a shot-by-shot remake a la Gus van Sant's Psycho; it was perfect the first time, so if you don't have something totally different to bring to the table, why bother?

Okay, now that we have that settled, on to the movie itself. I read somewhere that Zombie conceptualized his first Halloween as two movies, with the first focusing on Michael Myers as a child up until his escape from Smith's Grove, and the second dealing with "the night he came home." The general consensus is that he succeeded far more with the first half of the movie than he did with the second half, and I'm guessing he agrees, because H2 is essentially a remake of the second half of that first film. (Woo! Confused yet?!) It's basically Laurie's friends getting slaughtered one by one as she tries to avoid the same fate herself; however, it is scarier and more interesting than it was in the first movie. There are a few flashback sequences and some very bizarre glimpses into the psyche of Michael Myers; these are less successful than in the first movie, I think mainly due to the absence of Daeg Faerch, a.k.a. young Michael Myers. He's been replaced in this film, and the new kid is way too cute to look adequately disturbed.

Scout Taylor-Compton plays Laurie Strode, and while I wasn't particularly impressed with her in the first movie, I think she did a fantastic job in this one. There's also a nice twist near the end that calls Halloween 4 to mind. Oh, and as for the kills, which Zombie has trumpeted as particularly brutal this time around? They are - mostly because of the sound! As my boyfriend put it, "It's like he's punching people, but with a knife." Prepare yourself for lots of crunching, snapping, squishing noises, and a lot of jump moments (including two that actually made me clutch my chest and hiss, "Oh my God!").

The premiere itself was rather thrilling; we managed to spot a number of the film's stars, including Malcolm McDowell, Danielle Harris (who was sitting two rows behind us!) and, of course, Rob and Sheri Zombie. My favorite celebrity sighting of the night, however, was Ace Frehley of KISS, who was practically anonymous without his signature "Spaceman" makeup.
I did like this movie, but I'm not sure it was better than the first. However, if you enjoyed that film, I would definitely recommend this one, but I don't think it's going to win over any Zombie detractors. You have to be a fan of his whole mean, dirty, disgusting aesthetic...which I am. One note: While I think Zombie is a very talented director, sometimes his dialogue can be a little cringeworthy. It works in a movie like The Devil's Rejects, which centers on a family of deranged outlaw serial killers, but it seems a little out of character for suburban, Midwestern teenage girls.

Essentially, here's how I view "the two Halloweens," Carpenter vs. Zombie: John Carpenter's original version is a masterpiece, a love note to autumn and the terror of childhood/adolescence, a fantastic example of elegant filmmaking that illustrates just how far the economy of imagery can take you. Nothing goes to waste. Every shot is a keeper. Rob Zombie's version, on the other hand, is in your face, over the top, loud, wild, colorful, filthy and bizarre. While Carpenter's Michael Myers is a boogeyman, "the Shape," Zombie's is a crazy, hulking, angry monster. They're both scary, but Carpenter's is iconic. You may not want to marry them, but if you take Zombie's movies for what they are, they can definitely show you a good time.

Halloween 2 opens everywhere this Friday, August 28th.