Spooky List: Best Horror of the '00s

Here we are, already one full week into 2010. I'm sure by now the glow of the holidays has faded, resolutions are teetering on the brink of destruction, and reading yet another "Best Of" list is the furthest thing from your mind. Still, the passing of 2009 marks the end of an interesting decade for the genre; consider the trends in horror that abounded in the first ten years of the twenty-first century.

This was the decade in which the term "torture porn" was coined, thanks to a little film called Saw (itself a rather unpalatable riff on Se7en) and its endless stream of sequels and ripoffs. There was also a virtually unrelenting flow of Blair Witch Project-influenced, self-consciously low-budget "handheld camera" flicks, and an absolute glut of remakes, both noteworthy and uninspired (with an unfortunate tendency to skew towards the latter). Still, despite everything, there were some moments of true genius - and, in any event, I think we can all agree that last decade blew the '90s out of the water, no?

Without further ado, here is the Spooky Little Girl list of the Best Horror Films of the '00s, in chronological order according to year of release.

EDITED TO CLARIFY: These films are listed in chronological order, starting with Ginger Snaps because it was released in the year 2000, not because it's my #1 pick for the best horror film of the decade! (In other words, I have not ranked my choices.)

1. Ginger Snaps (2000)
I always love it when horror films are able to take well-worn concepts and successfully put a new spin on them; in this movie, werewolf mythology is conflated with female puberty and menstruation...and it totally works. Emily Perkins and Katharine Isabelle, as weirdo sisters Brigitte and Ginger (nice pun in the title, there), do a fantastic job of bringing two outsider teen girls to life without making them Hot Topic cliches. Followed by two more films, a sequel and a prequel, both of which are far better than they have any right to be.

2. Session 9 (2001)
I adore anything that deals with haunted and/or abandoned places, and what could be more terrifying than an abandoned mental hospital? Bonus points for filming on location in the Danvers State Hospital in Massachusetts! This movie has a great sense of creepy atmosphere, a nice dose of "Whodunit?" tension, and a tasty little twist at the end.

3. The Ring (2002)
This is one of those movies that became so successful - and was so frequently (and poorly) imitated - that it's become a bit shameful to admit to actually liking it. However, if you can put the hype aside, The Ring is actually a very effective modern day ghost story, and perhaps the best American remake of a Japanese horror film. (Yes, I think Sadako's body language was creepier than Samara's, but I prefer this version overall.) Naomi Watts gives an emotionally resonant performance, and who can say they didn't positively ess themselves when poor Amber Tamblyn's terrified, grotesque death face was revealed in flashback? Shudder!

4. May (2002)
Another movie that, like Ginger Snaps, plays with a classic horror trope; this time, it's the Frankenstein theme of creating a perfect human from, ahem, "scrap parts," as it were. Angela Bettis gives a heartbreaking performance as the title character, a lonely, confused young woman who just wants to love and be loved. I firmly believe that she deserved, at the very least, an Oscar nomination for this movie - and probably would have gotten one, if horror wasn't so thoroughly overlooked by Hollywood's heavyhitters. The final scene is frightening, bizarre, sweet and sad.

5. Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Combining Romero-esque zombies with pop culture references and zesty British wit, Shaun gets my vote for the funniest horror-comedy of the decade. It's a treat for zombie nuts, but it's not too scary for regular folks, and it's absolutely hilarious, which makes it ideal for watching with a group. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are the best onscreen buddy team in recent memory. (See also: Spaced, Hot Fuzz.)

6. Dawn of the Dead (2004)
This Zack Snyder-directed remake of Romero's zombies-in-a-mall '70s classic manages the impossible: It turns pretty much everything that made the original great on its ear, and it still finds a way to win you over. This Dawn is fast-paced (running zombies!), gory, and over-the-top, and while I wouldn't say it eclipses the original, it's a little zombie masterpiece all its own.

7. The Devil's Rejects (2005)
As mentioned in my controversial review of his H2 sequel, I am a Rob Zombie fan - and, to my mind, this is the best movie he's directed to date. It has such a filthy, unwholesome vibe - a great movie to watch in the dog days of August. If you don't feel like you need to shower afterwards, you weren't paying attention. This may be a sequel of sorts to the also enjoyable (but cinematically inferior) House of 1000 Corpses, but it has a completely different tone that means even detractors of its predecessor should give this one a try. While I enjoyed his Halloween reimagining, Zombie's dusty, renegade redneck aesthetic would have been much better suited to a Texas Chainsaw retread. Probably the best (only?) movie to set a pivotal scene to "Free Bird," in all its nine minute glory.

8. Let the Right One In (2008)
I'm no vampire elitist - I'll pretty much take my bloodsuckers any way I can get 'em - but I have to admit that this stark, moody Swedish import is the best vampire film in recent memory. It's sad, scary, mysterious and poignant, and it leaves a number of questions unanswered, which means it will stay on your mind for days. My heart absolutely ached for Oskar, a shy, angry little boy on the cusp of adolescence, and Eli, the strange vampire he meets and befriends. If you like stories about unsettlingly intense and ambiguous friendships - Peter Jackson's Heavenly Creatures leaps to mind - this one is for you.

9. Trick 'r Treat (2008)
Yes, I wrote 2008, despite the fact that the above poster has a 2007 release date - and, in fact, most people probably didn't see this Halloweenie gem until it was released to DVD just last year. (I'm going with 2008 because that's the year that's listed on IMDb, so who am I to choose otherwise?) This Creepshow-esque anthology movie hung in Hollywood limbo for years, becoming a near-legendary source of frustration for horror fans until just a few months ago. Fortunately, it was worth the wait. A great October film, highlighting Halloween's creepy, impish spirit, with some gore and a few laughs sprinkled in for good measure. The cinematic equivalent of reaching your hand into a trick-or-treat bag full of candy; you never know what's coming next, but it's probably awesome.

10. The House of the Devil (2009)
Finally, my favorite horror movie of 2009 earns a spot on the list. I've never seen a contemporary horror movie do the early '80s throwback thing quite as flawlessly as Ti West pulls it off here. Everything, from the title sequence to the poster art to the casting of Margot Kidder-esque Jocelin Donahue as the lead is spot-on for the era he invokes. Does a great job of building suspense, and doesn't skimp on the payoff - and I love the final shot.

BONUS: Grindhouse (2007)
Actually a 2-for-1 double feature comprised of Robert Rodriguez's cheeky zombie B-movie Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's "tough girls vs. eye-patch-wearing psycho" exploitation homage Death Proof, I was conflicted about whether or not this actually counts as a "horror movie," thus my decision to leave it off of the list proper. Still, I couldn't overlook it altogether. Both halves of this double feature were enormously fun, and despite the fact that it took a beating at the box office, this was a movie that demanded to be seen in theaters for the full experience - including the hilarious and awesome faux trailers from Rob Zombie ("Werewolf Women of the SS"), Edgar Wright ("Don't") and Eli Roth ("Thanksgiving"), each of which was worthy of a feature-length film of its own. This tribute to the delicious cinematic trash of the '70s represents the best aspects of '00s horror, paying homage without crossing over into disrespect. Let's hope that, in the next decade, filmmakers continue to look into the past in order to find the way forward.

Movie Review: THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

October has passed, and that can only mean one thing: If you're still reading this blog, you're no Johnny-come-lately to horror and Halloween; like me, you're a lifer. So while we can all bow our heads in a moment of silence for our dearly departed Halloween season, which is sure to rise again in a mere 363 days or so, I have good news for you: There is a fantastic new scary movie for you to seek out - and no, it's not Paranormal Activity, which I'm sure you've already seen (and formed your own opinions about). This one is somewhat more obscure, but - in my estimation - even more effective at generating those atmospheric, slow build scares. It's called The House of the Devil.

Last week, I read an article in the L.A. Times that described this film as the kind that "transforms the mundane into the macabre, and when...[it] finally takes a step into the supernatural, it comes as even more of a shock because of the muted atmosphere that precedes it." This is exactly how I like my scary movies: Long on atmosphere, short on cheap thrills, and painstakingly paced. From the very first frame, I had a feeling I would love it. To begin, it's set in the early 80s, but not in the spoofy, played-for-laffs way that most movies set in the 80s present the decade; no one is dressed like Pat Benatar or wearing garish neon colors. Instead, the colors are muted, the hair is softly feathered, and the jeans are high-waisted - in other words, authentic. The protagonist is a reserved, thoughtful college girl named Samantha, as portrayed by Jocelin Donahue, who calls to mind a young Margot Kidder far more than she evokes overly toned and styled modern-day starlets like Jessica Biel.

We learn that Samantha desperately wants to move out of her dorm and into an apartment of her own, but she doesn't have enough money for the first month's rent, and there are few available job prospects. Then she is presented with an intriguing opportunity to babysit for an eccentric couple in a sprawling Victorian mansion in the country. Despite her reservations about the creepiness of her employers and their shady bait-and-switch when it comes to the particulars of the job, Samantha accepts - and that's when the real fun begins.

If you're looking for an action-oriented horror flick, stay away from this one; about three quarters of the movie is spent entirely on building anticipation and heaping on the tension. When is the axe going to fall? When are the Satanic rituals going to start? What's with the lunar eclipse that everyone keeps mentioning?! From the opening credits to the lingering closing shot (and even the promotional posters that I found online!), everything about this movie is eerie, unsettling and meticulously true to the period without crossing the line into camp. If you fetishize late 70s/early 80s horror movies as much as I do, this is a must-see. Director Ti West knows his shit when it comes to the era - and I can say that this is easily my favorite new horror film of the year so far.

The House of the Devil is currently in theaters in limited release, in addition to being available for viewing OnDemand.

Get Ready for NIGHT OF THE WITCHES

Spring is in full swing, and for the spooky among us, that means that we're HALFWAY TO HALLOWEEN! That's right - this coming Sunday, April 30 is Hexennacht, aka Hex Night, aka Walpurgis Night, when witches roam the earth and the veil is thinned (at least, as thin as it's going to get outside of October). If you're in the Los Angeles area and your coven has the night off, head to the Phantom Carriage Brewery in Carson for Night of the Witches, a celebration featuring food and drink specials, a Q&A with a working mortician, an illustrated talk on the history of the holiday from Sarah Chavez and a screening of Anna Biller's florid feminist fever dream The Love Witch, one of my personal favorite films of 2016. 

For those of you who can't make it out, The Spooky Vegan has compiled an excellent list of 20 Witch Films to Watch on Walpurgisnacht. I was so excited to read this list comprised of some of my favorite movies that I felt compelled to offer up some additional suggestions of my own. Truly, you can never have enough cinematic spellcasters in your life. So from the goofy to the gruesome, here are 20 more titles to add to your witchlist:

British Rural Horror vs. American Hillbilly Horror

One of my favorite podcasts is Boys and Ghouls, which is basically like listening to two of your buddies discuss horror movies for around 60 minutes once a month. I love to listen to podcasts when I’m a) cooking or b) exercising, and Boys and Ghouls is the best because it’s fun and accessible and it’s essentially just talk radio but with no commercials and pertaining to topics that I actually give a shit about. I prefer the discussion format to the storytelling format when it comes to podcasts. Anyhow, I digress – my point is that Kat and Marshall recently ran a contest asking listeners to submit ideas for their April episode, and my suggestion was British rural horror. Alas, my idea wasn’t drawn out of the plastic jack o’lantern, but I’m still hoping that they might delve into it on a future episode.

British rural horror is a topic I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, because two things recently happened in quick succession: I caught A Field in England at the Cinefamily, and I finally watched Blood on Satan’s Claw for the first time. The latter is a movie that I’ve been aware of for like 20 years, ever since I first heard it referenced in a Cramps song. Fucking cool title, right? It also features a character named Angel Blake, whose eyebrows get so diabolically awesome the deeper she’s drawn into the occult that I think it may have inspired my 2014 Halloween costume. (Well, I’m either going as Angel Blake or as Tara the Android.) **CAUTION: Tara the Android will HAUNT YOUR NIGHTMARES, so watch at your own risk!**

Both A Field in England and Blood on Satan’s Claw utilize the bucolic splendor of the English countryside as the setting of, and impetus for, ungodly horror. That, coupled with a recent article on the subject, made me realize that, duh, British rural horror is one of my favorite horror subgenres. I’m all about setting and atmosphere when it comes to scary movies, and that is definitely one of BRH’s biggest strengths. There are so many movies that can be construed as being part of this subgenre, even if the connection is a little tenuous. One notable example is The Witches, a Hammer horror film from 1966 starring Joan Fontaine that would make a really excellent double feature with Blood on Satan’s Claw. Another obvious choice is The Wicker Man (Christopher Lee version, not Nic Cage version). I’m guessing this is the most well-known BRH film.

I’m stretching the definition a bit here, but what about The Innocents? Burn, Witch, Burn (a.k.a. Night of the Eagle)? Curse of the Demon? Even Horror Hotel and The Haunting (1963) – while set in New England – have a very British feel about them, and a horror/revulsion surrounding the countryside. Who can forget Mrs. Dudley, the housekeeper of Hill House, ghoulishly grinning at Eleanor while she tells her, “Nobody lives any nearer than town. No one will come any nearer than that. In the night. In the dark,” or her caretaker husband deriding “all you city people, think you know everythin’.” 

In their discussion of the listeners who had submitted episode suggestions to Boys and Ghouls, my topic came up. While Kat was enthusiastic about the idea, her co-host was a bit cagier about the whole thing, wondering where he would even start with such an arcane topic. I realized that there is a very easy “in” for those people who don’t really get or aren’t that familiar with British rural horror, and that is to compare and contrast it with another, similar subgenre that surely every American horror fan knows, perhaps far too well: American hillbilly horror! 

I definitely have more of a love/hate relationship with this subgenre. As someone who was raised in the suburbs and now lives in the city, I am admittedly ignorant of what it’s like in the more sparsely populated corners of our country, and ignorance does breed fear, so there is something in me that responds to the notion of murderous inbred mutants and weirdoes. Still, it does smack of classism, doesn’t it? Certainly more so than its British counterpart; while American movies tend to be about demented hicks in abandoned farmhouses, BRH usually positions its villains as having some sort of pagan wisdom or connection to the land, old gods, pre-Christian traditions and so on.

There is an elegance to BRH films that is lacking in American hillbilly horror movies. I’m thinking of films like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, Wrong Turn and even something like Children of the Corn or Jeepers Creepers. Don’t get me wrong, I love the majority of these movies; but it’s interesting to see how differently British filmmakers seem to view their small towns and sprawling landscapes. There’s a fear and a respect to it. In most American movies, the fear is laced with derision and condescension.



HBO’s True Detective – an excellent occult-based series with a super-scary finale – is almost a marriage of the two subgenres, as Hart and Cohle slog through the Louisiana backwoods in search of a killer with bizarre and possibly supernatural proclivities. Tonally, I think it skews way more toward British rural horror than regular American hillbilly horror, even though it takes place in the Deep South, which normally falls squarely in hick territory in Hollywood’s eyes.

Both subgenres offer something intriguing, something disturbing – especially for “all us city people, think we know everythin’” – and they surely make us grateful for the anonymity of the city once the movie is over and we’re back in our real lives. You’re probably way more likely to get killed in the city, say from a car accident or a violent crime, than you are in the countryside. But rural horror helps us feel like perhaps there’s safety in numbers, that maybe moving to the city – despite the smog, the traffic, the high cost of living, the noise – wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Or maybe it taps into something more primal, our sense that there is something going on just below the surface of modern life that we can’t quite discern, that we used to know but was lost to us generations ago, but that some people haven’t yet forgotten – and that’s what scares us most of all.

Spooky List: Best Horror of the '10s

It's 2020, spookies. A new year, a new decade...onto the next one! I fear I would be remiss, however, to let the '10s dwindle to a speck in the rearview without a quick rundown of the best our favorite genre had to offer in the past ten years.

This has been a very provocative time for horror - a true renaissance, I think, with some of the most interesting films this side of the '70s. Even if you don't agree with all of my choices, you have to admit that these filmmakers took a swing and tried something fresh, even if it didn't always connect for you personally.

Without further ado, here are my picks - in chronological order - of the Best Horror of the 2010s.

• Black Swan (2010) - The best balletic body horror this side of Suspiria, this movie made Natalie Portman an Oscar winner and gave Winona Ryder perhaps her first notable (albeit small) post-shoplifting role. It somehow managed to be simultaneously weird, arty, sexy, gross, kinda pretentious, dour, and fun, setting an admirably schizophrenic tone for the decade to come.
• The Cabin in the Woods (2011) - The Scream syndrome - that postmodern, self-referential quality that worked so well in the 1996 slasher but proved to have diminishing returns in countless less intelligent ripoffs - reached its logical conclusion with this clever-but-actually-clever horror-comedy. The last 15 minutes or so are an orgy of virtually every horror trope of the last 30 years and the effect is so bananas that the ending doesn't feel nearly as bleak as it is.
• The Lords of Salem (2012) - I remember this one being widely maligned when it first came out, but the subsequent years have been kind to it and now the general consensus seems to be that this is one of Rob Zombie's best, up there with The Devil's Rejects. Lords was one of the first witch flicks in what proved to be a VERY witchy decade, and it was filmed entirely in Salem, MA to boot. Let's just say I went from trying to convince people that this movie was actually pretty good to attending a screening here in Los Angeles where it was programmed as a double feature with Hocus Pocus - which, if you think about it, is totally perfect.
• WNUF Halloween Special (2013) - A found footage flick that has more in common with British TV movie Ghostwatch than it does with The Blair Witch Project, this deliciously nostalgic throwback gets every detail perfect as it recreates a (fictional, natch) '80s TV broadcast in which a local reporter investigates a haunted house on Halloween night. This has become a seasonal staple in our household.
• What We Do in the Shadows (2014) - It has since spawned a spinoff TV series (also great, and about to unveil its second season in April 2020!), but when this mockumentary debuted all I really knew about it was that it had Flight of the Conchords' Jemaine Clement as a vampire. So thank you for that, What We Do in the Shadows, and thank you for introducing me to Taika Waititi, but most of all, thank you for the best explanation I've ever heard of why vampires prefer to drink the blood of virgins: "I think of it like this: If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it."

• It Follows (2014) - Moody, pretty, uncomfortable, temporally ambiguous, and with a great Carpenteresque synth score from Disasterpeace, this "cursed sex is gonna getcha!" story may have had a few holes here and there in its mythology, but no one can deny its aesthetics or atmosphere. Plays like a weird dream, and I mean that as a compliment.
• As Above So Below (2014) - I sat on this one for a while 'cause I heard it wasn't that great, and now I can't stop watching it. It's basically a Tomb Raider-y adventure movie, but it's set - and at least partially filmed - in the Parisian catacombs, so it's spooky too. Also, it's found footage, which for me is a plus.
• The Houses October Built (2014) - Another found footage movie, this one is about Halloween haunts gone wrong - another theme that would come to be used quite a bit over the course of the decade, but Houses October Built did it first. As a haunt enthusiast, this film positively tickled me. 
• A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) - This black-and-white film about about a skateboarding burqa-clad bloodsucker from Ana Lily Amirpour has the same elegiac us-against-the-world quality as, say, Let the Right One In, but set in Iran and with a feminist slant. Sad and romantic as only the best vampire stories can be.
•  The Witch (2015) - I was a bit disappointed with this one on first viewing, as I had fallen victim to those classic "Scariest movie IN DECADES!" press quotes - plus, I'd had a key moment spoiled for me - but it grew in my estimation the longer it marinated in my mind. I'm sure you've seen it (or at least heard all about it) by now, but just in case I'll try to avoid spoilers, so I'll just say: There was one brief, jarring moment involving a raven that was one of the most chilling images I witnessed at the movies in the past ten years. And oh, that ending!

• The Blackcoat's Daughter (2015) - I love recommending this movie to people, as so few have seen or even heard of it, given that it never really got a proper theatrical release. It's a real shame too, because this boarding school-set debut from director Osgood Perkins (son of Anthony, aka Norman Bates, my forever crush) is slow, eerie, and diabolical, with a properly skin-crawling score from Oz's brother Elvis Perkins and another pitch perfect ending. (Note: I consider the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre to have perhaps the finest ending of any horror film ever, if you need a barometer by which to judge my taste.)
• Crimson Peak (2015) - Left me a little lukewarm at first, but this is another grower-not-a-shower. (Also helps when you realize that the film is less a straightforward horror flick and more of a Gothic romance, albeit one with a couple of moments of absolutely stomach-churning violence.) Probably my favorite from Guillermo del Toro. Basically a feature-length version of "Women With Great Hair Fleeing Gothic Houses," and I ain't mad at it.
• Hell House LLC (2015) - Yes, yes, another found footage movie (told you I like 'em!), and another movie set in a Halloween haunt. BUT, what if I told you there were scary clowns? Wait, wait! I mean...actually scary? No wise-cracking quips, no demented circus music. Just darkness. And stillness. And one...single...clown, standing where he shouldn't be. Where he couldn't be. And that, my spookies, is why I liked Hell House LLC.
• Krampus (2015) - Michael Dougherty really loves those holiday horrors. And guess what? So do I. They're just so goddamn festive! From the twisted mind that brought you Trick 'r Treat comes this (very) loose take on the Krampus mythology. Stop looking for accurate folklore and give in to the pleasures of homicidal gingerbread men armed with nail guns and there's a lot to love here. Mr. Spooky and I try to watch this one every Christmas Eve. Note: This is the first of two movies on this list starring the inimitable Toni Collette as a frayed-nerve matriarch! Fun!
• The Neon Demon (2016) - A movie about the utter rot that lurks beneath the surface of glamour, and the biggest complaint I've heard from detractors is that it's all style and no substance? Sounds perfect to me! One of two 2016 flicks featuring America's sweetheart Keanu Reeves playing against type as a repulsive villain (see also: Ana Lily Amirpour's postapocalyptic romp The Bad Batch), this pretty, nasty little film also boasts what is perhaps the grossest sex scene of the decade. Enjoy! 

• The Love Witch (2016) - It's not often that we get a female auteur as thorough as Anna Biller, but 2016 blessed us with this ultra-feminine fever dream of a witch film, and director Biller was involved with every aspect of her opus, from script and editing down to costume design, hooking the rugs by hand, and even painting the film's artwork herself. I wrote a bit about what this film means to me over on Death & the Maiden. Go into this one with a wide-open mind, let yourself settle into the tone, and prepare to be visually stunned. 
• Get Out (2017) - I mean, it's only the most socially incisive movie to come out of the decade, and the best horror movie of 2017, no big deal. You have definitely seen this by now - what more can I say? It's important, it's multilayered, and don't forget that the last 20 minutes or so are also wild, cathartic fun. Jordan Peele rules. 
• The Ritual (2017) - This movie came out of nowhere and then suddenly popped up on Netflix and made rural Sweden seem like the scariest place on earth. (You're welcome, Ari Aster.) Somehow managed to breathe new life into both the folk horror subgenre and the good old-fashioned creature feature. Also, did I mention it's actually pretty scary?
• Hereditary (2018) - ...and speaking of scary - and our aforementioned pal Ari Aster - here's my personal pick for the most frightening film of the decade. This movie disturbed me in ways that nothing has in ages. Again, I'm sure you've seen it, but just in case you haven't (and you've managed to avoid spoilers for this long...), I won't ruin it here. All I'll say is, there is a scene that will devastate you, and you will absolutely know it when it happens. And also, Toni Collette is magnificent. And Jesus Christ, that ending. I actually hesitated to recommend this one to people even though I loved it because I thought it might be too disturbing. Oh, and I own the Bluray but I've been too scared to rewatch it. It may not be perfect, but when this movie is effective, it's almost too effective. 
• Mandy (2018) - And, finally, my picks end as they began: With another arty, trippy, kinda pretentious, and totally fun blast of utter weirdness in the form of this drug-fueled revenge film starring man/myth/legend Nicolas Cage at his Cagiest. SEE! Nic Cage express his grief while guzzling booze and wearing tighty-whities in a bathroom! HEAR! Nic Cage snort all the cocaine in the world before gearing up for a chainsaw fight! FEEL! Your soul leave your body because maybe you ate too much of the edible but oh wait, that's just the movie! 

And there you have it. What a wild, witchy, occult-fueled decade this was. Let's hope this spirit continues well into the roaring '20s and beyond!

REVIEW: Knott's Scary Farm 2017

Honestly, I had no intention of writing about Knott's Scary Farm this year. It will forever hold a special place in my heart, as the oldest and best of the southern California theme park haunts, but I also think lots of other websites, blogs, and publications offer much more in-depth coverage than I do. Plus, I thought it was just going to be another standard year at the Haunt, that I wouldn't have much to say beyond a cursory, "That was cool."

Dude. I was wrong. Because Knott's wasn't just cool this year. It was SUPER FUCKING COOL.

I had so much fun that it totally reified my love for Knott's, haunts, and even Halloween itself. If I had to point to just one reason why this happened, I could do it in two words: Dark Ride.

Movie Morsels, Pt. 10

 

HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS (1988): For reasons I can't fully explain, Mr. Spooky and I ended up having a Halloween sequels marathon on 4th of July weekend this year. We sort of half-watched parts 3 through 5 while eating Ruffles chips with French onion dip and I have to say, it was kind of the best. Part 4 is one of the better sequels, and nothing beats the spooky atmosphere of the opening credits. An excellent way to commemorate midsummer as the unofficial kickoff to the Halloween season. We'll be suckin' on iced pumpkin coffees and cutting across 3 lanes of traffic to get to newly opened Spirit stores before we know it!

HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1989): The scene where Tina and her friend are walking in a park and talking about fucking their boyfriends while Michael stalks them has such bizarre and awkward dialogue, delivered in such a strange and stilted fashion, that it almost feels like a scene from Tommy Wiseau's The Room. (One of my all-time favorite bad-good/good-bad comfort movies.) The other thing I really like about this movie is the way Danielle Harris says, "Tee! Nah! Tee! Nah!" I really don't appreciate the way they did her character dirty in part 6.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985): Our July 4th weekend horror-a-thon built to a crescendo with this, my favorite zombie movie. It has fucking everything: Humor, horror, '80s punk rockers, the  naked graveyard dancing that made Linnea Quigley a genre icon, and the truly terrifying notion that it hurts to be dead because you can feel yourself rot. 

ROLLERCOASTER (1977): On actual 4th of July, we went to a Cinematic Void screening of this movie about George Segal foiling a domestic terrorist at Magic Mountain, which I've been wanting to see ever since we watched The Sparks Brothers. It was so fun and a great way to spend the holiday.

THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT (2014): It felt like time to revisit this found footage movie about how scary the people who work at Halloween haunts can be, especially if you take into account the fact that they almost never seem to undergo, you know, background checks, or psych evaluations. Perhaps it was reading this recent grim headline -- 'Sex-Ring' Investigation Reveals 'Field Of Screams' Haunted House Ties -- that made it feel so timely? (Relieved to say that I never visited any of the Bloodshed Brothers' haunts, but I've certainly heard of them.) Anyhow, yikes!

A CANDLE FOR THE DEVIL (1973): I do not recommend this film.

STARMAN (1984): What if an alien fell to earth and morphed into the corporeal form of your late husband? What I mean is...would you? Karen Allen would! And does! And I say good for her. This movie is to E.T. what The Shape of Water is to Creature from the Black Lagoon. Ya dig? 

HALLOWEEN KILLS (2021): Yep, I definitely don't like this movie. And what's more, I think it really hates me. 

HORROR IN THE HIGH DESERT (2021): The first of two found footage recommendations I got from the Gaylords of Darkness podcast. (Definitely listen to that podcast if you don't already.) This is about a vlogger who goes missing in the desert. Nicely paced with a creepy payoff. Recommended for found footage fans!

THE 'BURBS (1989): I don't even know where to begin with this movie. It has been one of my ultimate favorites since I saw it IN THEATERS as a kid. It is one of my ultimate comfort movies. It is a PERFECT mid to late summer movie. It has an amazing score. It has Tom Hanks at his absolute peak. The entire supporting cast is pitch perfect and phenomenal. Every line is quotable. I love everything about it. 

INCANTATION (2022): Another Gaylords of D recommendation, and again, it's a good one. Taiwanese found footage that is scary and well-paced. Maybe felt like it was a little long in the end, but definitely another thumbs up for people who like this sort of thing. It's on Netflix right now.

AIRPLANE! (1980): I'd never seen this, but I imagined that it would age super poorly. It actually wasn't too bad -- the jokes are sort of in that Mel Brooks vein. I would say I liked it. I laughed. Don't call me Shirley, and all that. Joe Izusu plays a Hare Krishna. Remember Joe Izusu? I'm guessing you don't.

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981) / ESCAPE FROM L.A. (1996): No one does a fun fucking movie quite like John Carpenter, right? And these are fun fucking movies. Kurt Russell in an eye patch? Are you serious? Adrienne Barbeau?! Harry Dead Stanton? Is that Isaac Hayes?! Escape from L.A. finds the cheese-to-grit ratio a bit off (as in, it's not as gritty, but far more cheesy), but it's still pretty entertaining. Fun fact, I saw Escape from L.A. before I'd ever even heard of Escape from New York. 

~*~* And with that, I am all caught up! Will I continue unleashing these morsels on my previously-dormant blog? Perhaps. It has certainly uncorked my creativity. In any case, I appreciate the patience and stamina of anyone who has dared to read this far! *~*~

Horror in Store: Movies to Watch

It's almost October, so scary movies are on my mind now more than ever (if that's even possible). From upcoming releases to movies that are just now making their way to DVD/Blu-Ray to recent releases that I somehow managed to overlook when they were in theaters, here are a few films that I'm looking forward to catching in the coming weeks:

 

Okay, The Cabin in the Woods came out forever ago but it's just coming out on DVD this week. Have you seen it? You really should. It totally deconstructs your favorite predictable horror tropes in a really fun, clever way, and the last 20 minutes or so are completely crazy. Don't read too much about it, just watch.

 

Beyond the Black Rainbow is another movie that's new to DVD. My understanding is that it's some sort of pseudo-retro weirdo sci-fi movie about mind control, a sinister psychiatrist and the patient he's trying to hold captive. I dig 70s/80s homage movies (see also: The House of the Devil) and I'm thinking this is one, with some bizarre David Cronenberg/David Lynch elements thrown in. Good title too.

 

 

I haven't actually heard too much about The Loved Ones, but I saw a capsule review of it that mentioned it was new to DVD (even though Teh Google tells me it's an Australian film from ye olde 2009) and described it as some sort of prom night revenge flick. Specifically, a girl gets all murderously vengeful when the dude she asks to prom turns her down. Shades of Carrie and/or Prom Night? Could be interesting. Plus, the drill on the poster makes me think of Slumber Party Massacre.

 

I've been dying to see The Pact ever since it first came out earlier this year, but it was only in one theater for like one week, so I missed it. It's about a woman who returns to her childhood home for her mother's funeral and encounters "unsettling" forces. Creepy haunted house movies are my favorite, y'all! And look at that poster. LOVE. Looks like this one will be out on DVD in November.

 

Perhaps the only thing more delicious than a haunted house movie is a haunted house period piece. So classy, right?! This movie is set in 1920s England, and involves a woman who debunks paranormal phenomena investigating ghost sightings at a boarding school. Although it came out last month here, perhaps there's still a theater near you showing it? Otherwise, you'll probably have to wait until the DVD comes out in March. :(

 

Ah, found footage horror movies. While others are deriding you as a played-out trend, I'm watching from between my fingers. From Blair Witch to Paranormal Activity, I think found footage movies are invariably scary. And V/H/S, which I believe is still available via OnDemand, combines two of my greatest loves: Found footage and horror anthologies! Also, everything I've heard has been extremely positive. I believe this one will also be in theaters on October 5. 

 

Hotel Transylvania pros: It's an animated horror film. I love spooky animation, i.e. ParaNorman, Coraline, Corpse Bride, Nightmare Before Christmas, et.al. Also, the premise is kind of cute: Dracula's castle is a luxury resort for monsters, and Drac is an overprotective dad raising a sheltered teenage daughter who isn't allowed to experience the outside world. Could be good, right? Cons: Adam Sandler is the voice of Dracula. I'm scared. And not in a good way. Catch it in theaters (maybe?) on September 28.

 

...And speaking of spooky animated movies, here's one that I am whole-hoggedly recommending even though I haven't seen it yet: Tim Burton's Frankenweenie! This is a full-length film based on Tim Burton's live action short of the same name about a boy who resurrects his beloved dog. It's going to be adorable. I can't wait. Hits theaters on October 5.

 

I don't know a lot about Sinister - sometimes I prefer to avoid a lot of pre-movie hype when it comes to horror, because I think it makes the scares that much more unpredictable - but I do know that it, as the poster says, comes from the producers of Paranormal Activity and Insidious, and that seems like a pretty rad pedigree to me. Also, this is the production company behind L.A.'s Blumhouse of Horrors, my most anticipated haunt this year. I feel like Blumhouse has singlehandedly rescued us from torture porn, and for that I will gladly fork over my cash. Catch Sinister in theaters October 5.

 

Oh, and don't forget about Paranormal Activity 4, coming out on October 19! Plot details are hard to come by, but this one looks like it focuses on the family that lives next door to Katie's sister circa the action in PA2. I'm pretty sure you already know whether or not you're going to see this movie based on how you felt about the first three, so what else can I say? I'm excited. 

And, finally, a documentary that I'm very much looking forward to will be premiering on the Chiller channel on Sunday, October 28. Titled The American Scream and coming to you from the directing/producing team that gave the world the Troll 2 documentary Best Worst Movie (which I also recommend - it's on Netflix streaming), this one profiles a handful of people who build elaborate haunts in their homes every Halloween. A yard haunts documentary! Definitely setting my DVR for this one.