Capsule Movie Reviews: Prince of Darkness, Frankenweenie, From a Whisper to a Scream, Equinox

Sometimes there are movies I want to write about, but it just doesn't feel like I have enough in me to create a "full post." For those moments, I give you...capsule movie reviews. (I actually really love shorter movie reviews, personally. They give you enough to help you determine whether or not you want to watch the movie, but they're usually too brief to give away major plot points.)

Prince of Darkness: This is a John Carpenter movie from the 80s that focuses on the Devil, which is such an 80s horror topic, right?! Satanic cults were a real thing back then. Anyhow, in Prince of Darkness it turns out that, concealed beneath an old church is an unspeakable evil, in the form of green goo that is vaguely reminiscent of You Can't Do That on Television, or the filling of a delicious, delicious Cadbury Screme Egg. Donald Pleasence plays a priest with haunted eyes who says terrifying things about how everyone is doomed. Alice Cooper plays a homeless guy who stabs someone to death with a fucking bicycle. It's on Netflix streaming - check it out! It's not a masterpiece, but it's enjoyable nonetheless.

Frankenweenie: Tim Burton (sorta) redeems himself to diehards who want to love him but can't pretend his most recent movies have been good with this supercute black-and-white 3D animated tale about a boy who resurrects his beloved dog, based on his live action short of the same name which you probably watched as an extra on the Nightmare Before Christmas DVD. It has lots of Burtonian atmosphere, a creepy/manic Danny Elfman score, nods to Universal monster movies and Vincent Price and even the voice of Winona Ryder as a Lydia Deetz-ish deadpan goth girl. If any of this sounds even remotely appealing to you, you'll dig this movie.

From a Whisper to a Scream: Another horror anthology currently available via Netflix streaming, this is an 80s movie starring an elderly Vincent Price about the evil that infects the (fictional) town of Oldfield, Tennessee. (Note: For some reason, I thought there would be a murderous scarecrow in this movie. I'm not sure why I thought this, but let me tell you there are no scarecrows whatsoever. You have been warned.) VP plays a classy/creepy old librarian whose serial killer niece has just been executed, and a mysterious lady comes to visit him to learn more about what drove her to murder. What follows is four ghoulish tales covering topics like murderous babies from beyond the grave, voodoo, necrophilia, carnival freakshows and the horrors of the Civil War (no, really!). This movie was kind of brutal, actually - anthologies tend to be a little on the kitschy side (think Tales from the Crypt) and this one had a number of gory moments that took me by surprise. And can I just say that I'm so fucking tired of watching women murdered in movies for rebuffing a man's sexual advances, as if that somehow lends sympathy to the murderer? (Note: This is why we need more women filmmakers, especially in the horror genre!) Apparently Vincent Price hated this movie. It's nothing I would recommend going out of your way to watch, but if you're an anthology fan with a couple of hours to kill, you could do worse. Like, for instance, you could wind up watching...

Equinox: This 1970 movie straddles the line between so bad it's funny and so bad you're kinda pissed that you spent valuable minutes of your life watching it. It's full of annoying characters who do inexplicably stupid things, and I can safely say that I was rooting for absolutely everybody's death. The special effects are abysmal, even for the time, and don't make a lot of sense within the context of the story. Like, why does one of the characters end up battling a large blue caveman? Hmm. It gets points for all of the cool cars and for showcasing L.A. hiking trails that I know for a fact I've been on, including the Bronson Caves in Hollywood. Points taken away for the hyper-annoying casual sexism and the utter idiocy of the plot.

Horror in Store: Movies to Watch

It's almost October, so scary movies are on my mind now more than ever (if that's even possible). From upcoming releases to movies that are just now making their way to DVD/Blu-Ray to recent releases that I somehow managed to overlook when they were in theaters, here are a few films that I'm looking forward to catching in the coming weeks:

 

Okay, The Cabin in the Woods came out forever ago but it's just coming out on DVD this week. Have you seen it? You really should. It totally deconstructs your favorite predictable horror tropes in a really fun, clever way, and the last 20 minutes or so are completely crazy. Don't read too much about it, just watch.

 

Beyond the Black Rainbow is another movie that's new to DVD. My understanding is that it's some sort of pseudo-retro weirdo sci-fi movie about mind control, a sinister psychiatrist and the patient he's trying to hold captive. I dig 70s/80s homage movies (see also: The House of the Devil) and I'm thinking this is one, with some bizarre David Cronenberg/David Lynch elements thrown in. Good title too.

 

 

I haven't actually heard too much about The Loved Ones, but I saw a capsule review of it that mentioned it was new to DVD (even though Teh Google tells me it's an Australian film from ye olde 2009) and described it as some sort of prom night revenge flick. Specifically, a girl gets all murderously vengeful when the dude she asks to prom turns her down. Shades of Carrie and/or Prom Night? Could be interesting. Plus, the drill on the poster makes me think of Slumber Party Massacre.

 

I've been dying to see The Pact ever since it first came out earlier this year, but it was only in one theater for like one week, so I missed it. It's about a woman who returns to her childhood home for her mother's funeral and encounters "unsettling" forces. Creepy haunted house movies are my favorite, y'all! And look at that poster. LOVE. Looks like this one will be out on DVD in November.

 

Perhaps the only thing more delicious than a haunted house movie is a haunted house period piece. So classy, right?! This movie is set in 1920s England, and involves a woman who debunks paranormal phenomena investigating ghost sightings at a boarding school. Although it came out last month here, perhaps there's still a theater near you showing it? Otherwise, you'll probably have to wait until the DVD comes out in March. :(

 

Ah, found footage horror movies. While others are deriding you as a played-out trend, I'm watching from between my fingers. From Blair Witch to Paranormal Activity, I think found footage movies are invariably scary. And V/H/S, which I believe is still available via OnDemand, combines two of my greatest loves: Found footage and horror anthologies! Also, everything I've heard has been extremely positive. I believe this one will also be in theaters on October 5. 

 

Hotel Transylvania pros: It's an animated horror film. I love spooky animation, i.e. ParaNorman, Coraline, Corpse Bride, Nightmare Before Christmas, et.al. Also, the premise is kind of cute: Dracula's castle is a luxury resort for monsters, and Drac is an overprotective dad raising a sheltered teenage daughter who isn't allowed to experience the outside world. Could be good, right? Cons: Adam Sandler is the voice of Dracula. I'm scared. And not in a good way. Catch it in theaters (maybe?) on September 28.

 

...And speaking of spooky animated movies, here's one that I am whole-hoggedly recommending even though I haven't seen it yet: Tim Burton's Frankenweenie! This is a full-length film based on Tim Burton's live action short of the same name about a boy who resurrects his beloved dog. It's going to be adorable. I can't wait. Hits theaters on October 5.

 

I don't know a lot about Sinister - sometimes I prefer to avoid a lot of pre-movie hype when it comes to horror, because I think it makes the scares that much more unpredictable - but I do know that it, as the poster says, comes from the producers of Paranormal Activity and Insidious, and that seems like a pretty rad pedigree to me. Also, this is the production company behind L.A.'s Blumhouse of Horrors, my most anticipated haunt this year. I feel like Blumhouse has singlehandedly rescued us from torture porn, and for that I will gladly fork over my cash. Catch Sinister in theaters October 5.

 

Oh, and don't forget about Paranormal Activity 4, coming out on October 19! Plot details are hard to come by, but this one looks like it focuses on the family that lives next door to Katie's sister circa the action in PA2. I'm pretty sure you already know whether or not you're going to see this movie based on how you felt about the first three, so what else can I say? I'm excited. 

And, finally, a documentary that I'm very much looking forward to will be premiering on the Chiller channel on Sunday, October 28. Titled The American Scream and coming to you from the directing/producing team that gave the world the Troll 2 documentary Best Worst Movie (which I also recommend - it's on Netflix streaming), this one profiles a handful of people who build elaborate haunts in their homes every Halloween. A yard haunts documentary! Definitely setting my DVR for this one.

Frankenkitty

Here's my little Frankenkitty, Sandya. Priceless. Franken-fy your pet here.