REVIEW: Knott's Scary Farm 2017

Honestly, I had no intention of writing about Knott's Scary Farm this year. It will forever hold a special place in my heart, as the oldest and best of the southern California theme park haunts, but I also think lots of other websites, blogs, and publications offer much more in-depth coverage than I do. Plus, I thought it was just going to be another standard year at the Haunt, that I wouldn't have much to say beyond a cursory, "That was cool."

Dude. I was wrong. Because Knott's wasn't just cool this year. It was SUPER FUCKING COOL.

I had so much fun that it totally reified my love for Knott's, haunts, and even Halloween itself. If I had to point to just one reason why this happened, I could do it in two words: Dark Ride.

Knott's Scary Farm 2013, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Haunt

As you may recall from a certain sad and dramatic post around this time last year, I've been a little burnt out on haunts. I'm certainly grateful for all of the cool Halloween events I've had the privilege of attending and reviewing over the past few years, but I think going to a dozen different haunted houses every October for several consecutive years will do that to a gal. In any case, I was planning to continue my moratorium on professional haunts this year, but then something happened. Something busty and beautiful and far too tempting to pass up.

Elvira returned to Knott's Scary Farm!

Okay, for those of you who didn't grow up in the shadow of Buena Park, Elvira always used to do a show at the Charles M. Schulz theater, and it was really one of the highlights of the Haunt every year. Basically, it was like a Vegas show, starring Elvira - kind of like the end of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. A little ribald comedy, a few song & dance numbers, and a chance to glimpse the Mistress of the Dark in action with your very own eyes. Then the Elvira stopped. For years, no Elvira at the Haunt. It was a tragedy! A travesty! In short, I was totes bummed. So when I heard that she was back this year, I knew that my attendance was inevitable.

As opening weekend drew near, my anticipation reached feverish new heights. The mazes sounded so intriguing! Before I knew what was happening, I was back in the throes of Haunt fever.

And dude...Knott's really delivered this year! Mr. Spooky and I agree that this was our best Haunt experience to date. 

 
The mazes. Oh, those mazes. I'm not sure what's going on at Knott's, but I had the distinct feeling that maybe they hired new people with a real passion for their work, or perhaps the same staff is behind everything but they managed to rediscover what they once loved about their job. In any event, after years of feeling like the Haunt was becoming increasingly corporate and soulless, I feel certain now that their heart is back in the right place. All of the mazes that we went through were creative and lovely, with spooky atmosphere as well as the startle scares we've all come to expect.

A quick rundown of the mazes, in the order we went through them:

• Trick or Treat: Halloween night at the Green Witch's house. Loved this one. The Green Witch is a wonderful mascot, and the trick-or-treating theme is perf, obvs. 
• Endgames: Post-apocalyptic with a brutal metal soundtrack. I didn't expect much from this maze, probably because I didn't vibe on the theme as much as I did with some of the others, but I thought it was cool and gruesome and scary.
• Delirium: Descent-into-madness meets Hellraiser. Lots of cool imagery in this one, starting with the eyeball-studded facade. I tried to get a picture, but it was too dark...alas. I loved the Asylum, but it was definitely tired and I think it's so clever that they replaced a maze about the horrors of encountering the criminally deranged with a maze that confronts the terror of spiraling into insanity.
• Dominion of the Damned: Gothic vampire maze complete with a mausoleum, garden, and - my personal favorite - a churchyard full of rattling caskets. This one was beautiful and eerie; one of my favorites of the night. So glad to see them abandon Club Blood in favor of returning to their goth roots for the vampy maze.
• Forevermore: Edgar Allan Poe-inspired. Creative scenes and of course I love the subject matter. Instead of an intensely loud metal or dubstep soundtrack, this one featured readings of Poe's poetry and short stories, which was a great touch, and very effective.
• Pinnochio Unstrung: Killer dolls and puppets. I dug it, but I think I liked the Doll Factory better. Still, Pinnochio is a great fairy tale ripe for a disturbing makeover like this one.
• The Witch's Keep: This is just the Mine Ride, but with witches. Witches! We went twice.
• Gunslinger's Grave: Old West spookiness. I'm struggling right now to remember specifics from this maze, but I still liked it a lot and I love how Knott's went the Old West route with a maze this year. It reminds me of Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, which is one of my favorite video games.
• Black Magic: Ah, the Houdini/evil magician maze. No surprise really that this was my favorite maze of the night. 

We skipped the Slaughterhouse - it just sounded too uncomfortably gruesome, plus we've gone through that maze or some variation of it countless times before - and Mirror Mirror, because it had a line and I had read negative reviews from several different sources online. Oh, and we were unwilling to pay an additional $60 for Trapped, so that was out of the question.
 
The five scare zones were less intensely decorated than in years past, but they were still a lot of fun. There were Old West monsters and killer clowns and a Gypsy Camp and steampunk vampires and beautiful Mexican girls in sugar skull makeup. We caught a few minutes of Blood Drums, which was cool. And, oh yes, there was FOG. So much of it, clouds of it, surrounding us as we walked slowly down the pathways as shapes of people - or monsters - slowly emerged from it. That's the kind of priceless Halloween experience I have only ever had at Knott's, Goddess bless 'em.

Elvira's Sinema Seance...what can I say? It was fabulous, of course. The stage was festooned with witchy, Ouija symbolism and a digital backdrop of candles flickering in Gothic archways between red velvet curtains. The show began with a dance number by Academy of Villains, which was so cool, and then Elvira came out, resplendent in low-cut black and red sequins, lobbing sassy one-liners and singing Halloween-themed parody songs. My heart felt full with love for the Queen of Halloween.

Crowds were so sparse - because it was a Sunday, because we got there early, because we went in September instead of October - that we were able to squeeze in some peripheral Knott's fun as well. We rode the Log Ride (not decorated for the Haunt this year, but still so fun), the Coast Rider (just the kind of weenie coaster I love!) and the Pacific Scrambler, which made everyone on it laugh hysterically.  And speaking of laughter, Mr. Spooky and I have to hand it to the monsters this year: They brought their fucking A-game. It felt 100% like being a kid on Halloween night, with roaming groups of fellow kids in costume making mischief and wreaking havoc.

One of the funniest things ever happened when we were walking to the Scrambler: A group of monsters surrounded us and one of them said to Mr. Spooky, "Cut your hair!" Another exclaimed, "I can't tell which one's the guy and which one's the girl in the relationship!" We chuckled as we walked away and I jokingly said, "Those monsters sexually harassed us!" and Mr. Spooky replied, "Yeah, and what's really weird is that I saw them put a note on some girl's back who was walking by." Just as the words left his mouth, I noticed a piece of paper on his back!

Yeah, that's right: ENTER HERE with an arrow pointing down to his ass! We both collapsed in laughter until we were crying. I have never encountered such a level of commitment to a gag at the Haunt; normally they just scream or snort in your ear, or shake a can of beans in your face or whatever. This took planning! It took diversionary tactics! Bravo, you beautiful bastards! And that's to say nothing of when Mr. Spooky and I were sharing a tender moment near one of the rollercoasters, and just as he put his arm around my shoulders, one of the evil clowns walked up behind us and began singing, "Loving you, is easy 'cause you're beautiful..." into a megaphone. Again, we laughed till we cried.

Man, what else can I say? Knott's Scary Farm is a Halloween tradition. They are back in fine form. You've gotta go.

Faith in haunts: Renewed. It's a Halloween miracle!

GUEST REVIEW: Knott's Scary Farm 2011

NOTE:
A visit to Knott's Scary Farm is one of my most beloved annual traditions. (You can read my review of last year's event here.) Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it out to the Haunt this year - but fear not! My dear friend Jill O'Lantern has graciously agreed to review Halloween Haunt 2011 for you! Enjoy.
xo
SLG

The tradition of the annual Knott’s Haunt has been thrown into uncertainty by the flashier haunt, Universal Horror Nights. If forced to choose a favorite, it’s a difficult decision. Knott’s Haunt lacks the high-quality mazes, but they make up for it in quantity. For 2011 they have 13 attractions, and seven live shows, plus all the roller coaster thrills you can stomach in one evening.

This year, I did the Boo-fet in addition to the Haunt. It’s $24 for an all-you-can-eat buffet dinner. The food is pretty good; they offer prime rib, roasted turkey, shrimp cocktail, Mrs. Knott’s fried chicken, lots of sides, snacks, and an enormous drink with free refills. Careful how you eat at the Boo-fet because there are roaming monsters ready to scare the mashed potatoes down your windpipe. Aside from the food, the real benefit to the Boo-fet is the chance to ride the bone-crushing Ghost Rider before sneaking in the park early while the regular-ticketed folks watch jealously from behind the rope.


After riding the Ghost Rider (on a full stomach...not recommended) we ran around the park like crazy, trying to hit as many mazes as possible before the crowds came in. My favorites, in order (spoiler alert):

Terror of London - I had the pleasure of walking through this maze alone, so the monsters were all out to get me. I was threatened in the pub, charmed by a murderer on the streets, and chased through a graveyard. It was the stuff of my favorite nightmares. My memory is not the best - I think the rainy London alleyways were new. It was so scary being harassed while walking through the rain. The bonus of London was the endless feeling. Each dark hallway had me convinced that the fun was over, but then a new section started with new scares. This was the most rewarding and fun maze of the evening. The dedicated actors inside really gave the theme life.

Virus Z - This was my favorite new offering last year, and it was just as good the second time around. The walk-through took us around a small town, hit suddenly by a zombie virus. Some of the make-up and costuming was great. After walking through his living room, Zombie Grandpa followed me around the maze. I can’t remember what he muttered at me, but it was unnerving and funny. The make-up on the girls in the diner was especially good.

Delirium - New for 2011. The execution of the theme of insanity and nightmares was vague, but this was a great new addition to Knott’s. I absolutely loved the psychedelic dream-turned-nightmare feel. The wall of glowing eyeballs, and the room filled with disgusting cockroaches stand out as the most striking elements.

Dia de Los Muertos 3D - This maze was light on the scares, but heavy on beauty and theme. I just enjoyed walking through it and gawking at the murals, costumes, and effects.

Fallout Shelter - The person who sold me 3D glasses explained that there was a third 3D maze that was not listed on the map. This was it. The 3D was a definite afterthought in this maze since certain elements were painted in blacklight-responsive colors but overall it was a standard maze. It was very long and there were some good props, so it was fun. The actors did a great job in this one - lots of creepy people walked near me, and because of their clothes, I couldn’t tell if they were mutants or other maze-walkers. I feel like the 3D glasses helped with the scares in this one because the glasses blocked my peripheral vision.

Endgames - This was new for 2011. I’m a huge fan of all things post-apocalypse battle, especially the Hunger Games, and Battle Royale. I liked the eerie live footage of other people walking through the maze, but I didn’t see any of the scare-actors doing anything other than banging the walls and yelling in my face. The theme was all over the place - were they post-apocalyptic barbarians, or were they steampunk? I hope next year the scare-actors will get better, more defined roles for this maze. (Watch what’s happening live inside Endgames here!)

The Slaughterhouse, Lockdown: The Asylum, and Doll Factory were all fun mazes but you probably remember them from past years. The Doll Factory is my favorite of the three, because I like all the women's creepy-but-pretty costumes, and walking through the shredded dollhouse curtains.

Invasion Beneath (The Calico Mine ride) - Despite my love for all things spider, the Curse of the Spider overlay was wearing thin. Invasion Beneath’s theme was described as an “invasion by unknown creatures through a large fissure in the Earth’s core. Military has just infiltrated the mountain.” Frankly, this new theme was baffling and incomplete. I somewhat understood that there was drilling or mining (there were spinning drill bits), but I’m not sure if I saw the unknown creatures or the Military action. There were several similar robot-looking figures standing ominously throughout the maze. That’s it. They stood there, and there were a few lasers (by a few, I mean two: red and green pinpoints of light in the darkness), but no explanation, action, or scares. Nothing about this was engaging, comprehensible, or scary. I really hope they put work into this for next year to give it some story - the monster invasion idea is great, and it could work well with the giant cavern.

I skipped Cornstalkers, Sleepy Hollow Mountain (the Log Ride), and the dreadful Uncle Bobo’s Big Top of the Bizarre. Sometimes roller coasters are scarier than nightmares.


Throughout the evening, I saw monsters working in groups to scare and entertain, and it genuinely seemed like they were enjoying themselves. Walking through the Carnevil area, I heard the familiar skidding sound of a monster coming straight toward me. I turned my head in alarm and saw a clown lying on his side, grabbing his knee, and crying out in pain. I froze - was it real? Right behind him, another clown ran up and blamed me for hurting his friend before kicking the downed clown in the knee. It was the best! I felt like I was in my own clown slapstick nightmare. This year more than ever, I felt like the monsters were really portraying characters, not just trying to scare.

Overall, the scare-actors are what make Knott's' Haunt fun. Knott’s doesn’t have the slick, movie-quality sets, costumes, and props that Universal has, but it does have a lot of really dedicated monster talent. Knott’s is always nearest and dearest to my spooky heart.

Read more from Ms. Jill O'Lantern on her blogs Magnets de los Muertos and Tart for Pumpkins!

Knott's Scary Farm 2010

If you grew up in southern California (or you've lived here for any length of time), you're familiar with the venerable Halloween institution that is Knott's Scary Farm; it's a legend in the annals of of L.A. area haunted attractions. Every haunt tries to carve out its own niche, and there are two main factors that sets Knott's apart from the rest: It's the oldest. And the biggest.

In fact, this is the Haunt's 38th (!) year, and it boasts 13 different mazes, in addition to 3 scare zones and 7 shows. Compare that to the 5 mazes each at Universal and the Queen Mary and you're beginning to understand just how much Knott's overwhelms the competition in terms of quantity. But how do the mazes fare when it comes to creepy content? Here is my breakdown of each maze, ranked from best to worst:

1. Virus Z: There were only 3 new mazes this year, but 2 of them are at the very top of my list, with this awesome zombie maze claiming the top spot. The plot is simple: A mysterious virus has ravaged the '50s-era town of Pleasanton, and the infected have laid waste to everything in their path, from the diner to the tattoo parlor to the school playground. This was basically a zombie movie come to life, and everyone in our group agreed that this was one of the best of the night - and, in my opinion, the best take on the zombie theme that Knott's has ever done. Bravo!
2. Sleepy Hollow Mountain: Another brand new maze for 2010, this one isn't a walkthrough - it's the new Log Ride overlay, replacing the (very tired) Pyromaniax. I don't think I've seen such a masterful use of the Log Ride since Red Moon Massacre - and truthfully, I like this even better. The theming and decor are both fantastic. I loved the dozens of glowing jack o'lanterns suspended from the ceiling just before you make your ascent up the final hill before the watery plunge.
3. Labyrinth: A maze that seeks to enthrall and enchant rather than startle or disgust. Visitors find themselves in "the dark catacombs that lie beneath a ruined castle," where they'll encounter otherworldly creatures and demented aristocrats dressed like they're attending a masquerade gone horribly awry. Again, not the scariest maze, but very beautiful and different.
4. Cornstalkers: I've gathered that some Haunt visitors find this maze a little boring, but I personally love it. Nothing says "fall" quite like a corn maze complete with demonic scarecrows. This year, Cornstalkers ends in a barn that boasts a uniquely intimidating inhabitant. Nice touch!
5. Dia de los Muertos: Another favorite of mine, simply because the Mexican "Day of the Dead" isn't the most common theme for a maze, yet it totally works. I loved walking through the day-glo cemetery with its altars and offerings, and the 3D effects give it a surreal, dreamlike quality.
6. Terror of London: The Jack the Ripper maze! The fog machines are out in full effect here, and the costumes and settings are fantastic. From the streets of London and the gaudy bedrooms of a bordello to Highgate Cemetery and a mad doctor's laboratory, this really is a little piece of England right in the middle of Buena Park. A must-see for fans of classic monster movies.
7. The Doll Factory: I used to love this maze because it was such a cool original theme: The Marionette Murderer turns his victims into dolls. Unfortunately, after several years, that theme is beginning to feel a bit tired. If you've never seen it before, it's still awesome - but adding a few twists next year for Haunt regulars would be much appreciated.
8. Club Blood: I still prefer my vampire mazes to skew gothic, so it's time for my annual cry of, "Bring back Lore of the Vampyre!" But I have to admit that I had fun at Club Blood this year. It still boasts the single best gross-out sight gag in the park (vampire baby birth scene, anyone?) and there was a special thrill lurking in the shadows in the very last room that actually elicited a shriek from me and one of my friends.
9. Lockdown - The Asylum: Not to sound like one of those people who always complains about how the old mazes were better, but...the old Asylum maze was better. Remember when the Asylum had that room full of empty, blood-spattered hospital beds? Now THAT was chilling. Imagine Shutter Island, but with more gore. Lockdown leaves those subtle yet disturbing scares behind for a more aggressive, prison-break vibe that is less to my liking. I still enjoy this maze, but I prefer it in its former incarnation.
10. Fallout Shelter: This is the third new maze for 2010, and the least exciting of the three. It's kind of like Virus Z, but with zombies instead of mutants. Lots of vats oozing radioactive green goo. Sorta/kinda 3D, but not really. I don't have any specific complaints about this maze - it just wasn't the most memorable.
11. The Slaughterhouse: Perhaps we just happened to hit the Slaughterhouse at an off-point during the night (it was the last maze we visited before leaving the park), but it seemed severely underpopulated by monsters to me. And where was the chainsaw?! I always expect a chainsaw scare in the hillbilly/backwoods maze, and the Slaughterhouse didn't deliver this year! It still nails the dirty, unpleasant Texas Chain Saw Massacre meets Motel Hell vibe though.
    
12. Uncle Bobo's Big Top of the Bizarre: The final 3D maze. What can I say? I'm just not that big on scary clowns. For those who are (or who have never been to the Haunt), I'm sure this maze offers some perverse, demented thrills, but as for me, I keep wishing they would revamp the clowns - or do away with them entirely. I stand by the suggestion I made last year: Turn Uncle Bobo's Big Top into a scary carnival with freaks and sideshow performers in addition to murderous clowns, and it could be one of the best in the park! On the bright side, there was far less toilet humor than in years past, for which I am grateful.
13. Black Widow's Cavern: The Mine Ride overlay. This isn't at the bottom of the list for any specific shortcoming; I just feel like it squanders both the spider theme (remember the Kingdom of the Spiders walkthrough maze?) and the Mine Ride's scary potential (remember when the central room in the mine used to house a massive fire-breathing dragon instead of a big spider who just sits there listlessly?).

As for the scare zones, my favorite was Necropolis, which plays on steampunk/vampire imagery - in fact, I even preferred it to my usual favorite, the classic Ghost Town. I mean, there was a stilt walker! How can you beat that? And, unfortunately, I still feel like Carnevil isn't living up to its potential - just a few scattered clowns here and there and minimal additional reinforcement of the theme. I can't speak to the quality of the shows, because I haven't watched one - with the exception of the Hanging, which I tend to catch glimpses of while waiting in line - since the Haunt's Elvira days. (For the uninitiated, the Mistress of the Dark used to host a fabulously campy stage show at the Charles M. Schulz Theatre in the park.)

I'll conclude this review much the same way I concluded my assessment of the 2009 Haunt: If you've never been to the Haunt at Knott's - or you haven't gone in several years and you're totally unfamiliar with the mazes that comprise the first half of the above list - it's time to buy your ticket and hit the Scary Farm. As for the rest of us regulars, a visit to the Knott's Berry Farm Halloween Haunt is still a great time...but a bit more fresh blood would be fantastic for 2011.

Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt takes place now through the end of October; see the official website for details, including specific dates and times. Tickets are $33-56, and parking is $15-20.

Disclosure: I was provided with complimentary passes to review this event.

Knott's Scary Farm 2009

Attending Knott's Scary Farm (a.k.a. Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt) is one of my most treasured Halloween traditions. I've been frequenting the event since I was about 8 years old; some of my fondest childhood memories involve seeing Elvira - one of my idols growing up - perform at the Charles M. Schulz Theatre, and screaming myself hoarse in the mazes. No matter what happens, I will always love the Haunt.

That being said, I think it's time for me to take a little break.

Of course, the Haunt was still fun this year, as always. (It's pretty difficult not to have fun in an entire theme park that's been decked out in ghoulish homage to your favorite holiday.) But, in maze after maze, I couldn't shake the feeling that - with a couple of very notable exceptions - I had seen it all before. Knott's is fantastic because it's such a reliable southern California stalwart when it comes to Halloween fun, but unless there are all new mazes next year, I think I might skip the Haunt in favor of checking out some lesser known local attractions, just to see what I've been missing all these years. Who knows? Maybe in 2011 I'll come running back to Knott's with open arms.

That being said, here's my maze by maze review, ranked in order from best to worst:

1. Dia de los Muertos 3D: One of the two new mazes (along with Terror of London) that persuaded me to return to the Haunt this year. I have been crossing my fingers for a Day of the Dead-themed maze for years. Knott's went above and beyond with this maze, including holiday-specific scenes such as a graveyard decorated with colorful altars, and rooms that nod to such icons of Mexican folklore as the Chupacabra and La Llorona. There's even a human sacrifice to the Aztec gods toward the end. Everything I had hoped for and more, this maze is pure eye candy and absolutely awesome. It also lends itself extremely well to the 3D concept.
2. Terror of London: I definitely missed 13 Axe Murder Manor this year. That maze, with its haunted house/axe murder theme, had something that many of the mazes lack: Subtlety. Fortunately, Terror of London does a very good job of filling that void. It's a beautiful, atmospheric maze that really gets under your skin. Watch for the Victorian hearse shrouded in fog, the graveyard scene, and the brothel. Creepy rather than horrifying, this maze is ideal for those who would take The Haunting over the Saw franchise any day of the week.
3. The Doll Factory: This maze was less scary to me than in years past, but I still have to give it high marks for both concept and execution. What I like most about the Doll Factory is that the idea is so original and disturbing, and the monsters - rather than run of the mill zombies, clowns with chainsaws or dead cowboys - are empty-eyed dolls come to life, and a very creepy killer called "the Marionette Murderer." Pretty much the only maze that makes me wish someone would turn it into a full-length movie.
4. Cornstalkers: When it premiered last year, this maze was another dream come true. I kept thinking it would be cool to have a good, old-fashioned corn maze that made use of classic Halloween iconography like scarecrows, pumpkins, etc. Well, the Haunt gods must have read my mind, because Cornstalkers fulfills that wish to a T. My only complaint is that it's a little brief, and there weren't enough monsters in it this year - but it still absolutely smacks of autumn, and I appreciate that it's another atypical choice for a maze.
5. Labyrinth: Yet another unusual maze. I'll be the first to admit that this one really isn't scary at all. However, I think it does a fantastic job of creating a magical, mysterious, disorienting atmosphere. The scenery and the costumes are gorgeous, and I like how it leans toward fantasy rather than horror, adding some much-needed variety to the Haunt.
6. Quarantine: I seem to remember this maze as being much scarier last year. This time, it was significantly less frightening, but I still appreciate it for being the closest thing to a traditional zombie maze in the park.
7. Club Blood: Decent, but I really, really miss the old vampire maze, Lore of the Vampire. (Does anyone remember when it was called Lair of the Vampyre?!) Get the vamps out of the clubs and back to their sexy, Gothic roots! Or, alternately, hook up with the makers of True Blood, rename it "Fangtasia," and fill it with Vampire Bill and Eric lookalikes. Hmm...
8. The Slaughterhouse: Not to sound like a broken record here ("Bring back the glory days of the Haunt, wah wah wah!"), but I really preferred Blood Bayou to the Slaughterhouse. Now there was a Deep South/chainsaw/cannibal maze I could get behind! This is a bit of grotesque fun, but it plays like a second rate Texas Chainsaw knockoff rather than the humid, swampy nightmare it could be. P.S. No chainsaw on the night I went! BOO!!!
9. Lockdown: The Asylum: For several years, the Asylum was my favorite maze. What could be creepier than an abandoned and/or haunted insane asylum full of murderous crazies, right? Then, last year, I observed that the maze was beginning to lose its luster. I was excited at the prospect of a new concept for the Asylum (now, apparently, it's a prison for the criminally insane), but it just couldn't match the sheer creepiness of the Asylum at its peak. (Case in point: One room in the old Asylum was filled with bloody hospital beds, and things lurking in the shadows. Now that's the kind of disturbing imagery this maze needs!)
10. Uncle Bobo's Big Top of the Bizarre 3D: Sigh. The clown maze. Always loud, always headache-inducing. I wholeheartedly support revamping the clown maze with a "bizarre circus" theme; however, they didn't take the new theme far enough. Next year, if the clowns must stay, why not reimagine the maze completely and populate it with sideshow performers, "freaks," murderous bearded ladies, and so forth? Think Carnivale, not Krusty the Clown with a chainsaw!
11. Pyromaniax (Log Ride): I miss Red Moon Massacre (a.k.a. the Little Red Riding Hood maze). It worked so much better with the Log Ride's rustic look and feel. Bring it back!!!
    
12. Black Widow's Cavern (Mine Ride): It seems like there's a lot of potential for the Mine Ride to become a really excellent maze. However, I have yet to see the ride actually realize that potential. If it weren't for the enormous spider, the theme of this maze would've escaped me entirely.
13. Alien Annihilation 3D: I have never seen anyone purchase the $5 laser tag guns you need to "participate" in this maze. Knott's, it is with love that I point out that, although you gave the laser tag maze a good sporting chance, the experiment has officially failed. Put the space to better use next year! May I suggest a witch maze?

Other than the mazes and a handful of shows (sadly, none approaching the brilliance of an Elvira-starring song-and-dance revue), the only thing to see at the Haunt this year is a "Scare Scene" devoted to the forthcoming remake of The Stepfather. Unless you're hellbent on seeing everything the park has to offer, I recommend skipping it. It's kind of a one-gag experience. Too bad the planned Zombieland scare zone fell through, as I was very much looking forward to it.

My conclusion? If you haven't been to Knott's Scary Farm, you must visit. If you've been a few times, go again this year to check out the incredible Dia de los Muertos and Terror of London mazes. But if you're a regular like me, here's hoping for a fresh and innovative maze roster for 2010. (Seriously, Knott's - a witch maze! Think about it...)