REVIEW: Angel of Light (DTLA)

You're on a busy street in downtown Los Angeles. The evenings have just begun to cool after weeks, months of summer heat. All around you are noises, traffic, neon. A woman walks by with two enormous pit bulls straining on their leashes; across the street, a man is yelling, and you can't tell whether the person he's arguing with is on the street or in his head. You're carrying your orange jack o'lantern purse and a toddler in a stroller rolls by, pointing at your bag and gleefully repeating the Spanish word for "pumpkin" to his mother. You smile. 

Finally, the line starts to move. You're ushered into the lavish lobby of the Los Angeles Theater, perhaps the most opulent and eerie of the old movie palaces that haunt Broadway. You are enamored of the chandeliers dripping crystal, of the impossibly high, ornately carved ceilings, of the red velvet stairs that waterfall down from the floor above and end at your feet. If this theatre were to ask, you think, you would be its Jack Torrance. 

The lighting casts the room into candy-colored swaths of purple, blue, and red, like you're in a giallo, and ahead of you another staircase leads down into shadow. Ambient noise pulsates, menacing. People clad in Art Deco-era finery are tableau-still on the stairs and in the middle of the room. Suddenly, the noise swells, fills the grand space, and everyone puts their hands to their ears, grimacing and shrieking, as though there is something in the sound that might drive them to madness, or has already. 

And then, down the staircase. Into shadow. Into the candlelit catacombs, and beyond.

You find yourself at a cocktail party, and excuse yourself to use the restroom, but the powder room with its floor-to-ceiling silver mirrors disorients you, and there is a dark figure standing stone-still at the end of the row of stalls. On your way back to the party, you follow a red glow to a low-ceilinged room painted to look like the inside of a circus tent, and before you can return to the party you witness strange men do strange things, as strange men often do. 

Telephones ring. You answer one, and a voice whispers and growls, makes animal noises. A shoe shine glides toward you, then away, and you're not sure if he's threatening you or completely unaware of your presence. From behind etched glass, faces loom and leer. And all the while that sound drones, swells, retreats, repeats. 

You're in the theater itself now, facing the stage. Creatures, cloaked and masked, thread their way between the rows, up and down the aisles, contorting their bodies, staring, screaming. At last, the show begins. A woman croons a languidly Lynchian version of "Summertime" as dancers twirl; it's beautiful but there is something wrong here too, some decay creeping in, curling the edges.

That's what the real fun begins. That's when you meet the Angel.

+++

I wasn't sure what to expect with Angel of Light, but I love the Los Angeles Theater, so I took a chance. I'm so glad I did, because I absolutely adored this show. It's one of the best immersive productions I've ever seen. 

First, this is a show that values stillness. I'm not a fan of most jump scares -- they can be effective, but usually they're overdone and cheap, used to mask a weak story; the truffle oil of horror ("Throw a little of this on top and it'll cover up anything!") -- and I've always felt that someone just standing there, staring at you would be so much more unnerving than the more aggressive moves. Clearly, someone at Angel of Light agrees.

Second, this is a show that utilizes its incredible setting with so much style, grace, and respect for its history and beauty. Some haunts try to shoehorn a square peg of a story into the round hole of its setting, without asking questions like, "Why would this take place at a cemetery, or inside of a Victorian home?" Not this one. If you want to know what it might feel like to live the last 30 minutes or so of The Shining -- well, not the murderous dad in a blizzard bit; just the glamorous Art Deco party ghosts bit -- Angel of Light is the only ticket in town.

Go. Enter the Light. They're waiting.

+++

Angel of Light will be at the Los Angeles Theater (615 S. Broadway, DTLA) through October 31, 2023. 

REVIEW: Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2019

This Halloween season is going to be a little different for me; namely, I will be out of town -- in fact, out of the country -- on Halloween. And while that's terribly exciting, it's also put a bit of a damper on all of my usual October traditions: I simply don't have the time to do everything this year! So that makes hitting up an old standby like Queen Mary's Dark Harbor all the more important. Now in its tenth year, Dark Harbor 2019 is a bit like creepy comfort food: Reliably awesome, if unsurprising.

Overall, Dark Harbor hasn't changed that much from last year, when I proclaimed it to be a veritable maritime mind-blower. But I do have to admit that the tweaks, while subtle, weren't exactly for the better. Gone is the ice bar - not a deal-breaker, but a fun touch that I missed. There is only one new maze for 2019, and the returning mazes seemed a bit shorter this year. Still, I had a great time, and would heartily recommend Dark Harbor to anyone who has yet to check it out, or who hasn't been in a while.

REVIEW: Creep LA: HAUS OF CREEP

Well, my spookies, it's September. How did that happen? And not only is it September, but it's almost October. Our favorite month, she is unstoppable -- and she's almost here!

But no need to rush things. September has her own special charms, of course. Not least of which is the fact that September kicks off Creep season here in Los Angeles. And this year, more than any other, I was stricken by the fact that Creep has to happen here in Los Angeles -- it couldn't happen anywhere else. It's so uniquely of and for this city. And that has never been more true than of Creep's 2019 installment, HAUS OF CREEP.

Off-Season Spooky: The 3 Hottest Tickets in Town

Winter can be hard on the Halloween fan, what with the spooky season in your rear view and the year's endless months sprawling before you, with hundreds of days until October once more dawns black and orange, heralding the return of the Best Time of the Year.

And that's to say nothing of spring, with its sunshine and flowers and bunnies. I mean, pastels? THE HORROR!

But despair not, gentle creeps. Here are three off-season spooky events taking place this spring in Los Angeles:

Surely you remember my recent review of Delusion: The Blue Blade. Again, this is not a haunt, and it's not exactly horror, but there are some creepy moments, and some killer set pieces, and I firmly believe that if you're the kind of person who spends March wishing it could be October, you'll enjoy yourself.

Tickets available now through March 17, 2019.

Another immersive theater experience making a triumphant return this spring is The Willows - you can read my thoughts about the 2017 production here. 

Tickets are on sale now for showtimes through the end of March, with more tickets to be released for later shows. 

Finally, Reign of Terror in Thousand Oaks is putting on a special one-night only event on Saturday, March 9, 2019 from 7-11 PM, but unlike the aforementioned productions, this is a proper haunted house. From the RoT social media:

ALL your FAVORITE features, and creatures, await your Springtime visit to Reign of Terror Haunted House's SPECIAL EVENT on March 9, 2019! Including the expanded underground 'slime bog' inside Miner's Revenge, the outcasts inhabiting the 'Inbred' attraction, the 'White-Out Experience' inside our Fun House, plus all the outlandish occupants, sights, sounds and scents that make ROT the most fiendishly fun you can have in a Haunt!

Tickets are available now on their website, with  proceeds benefiting various animal rescue groups. If you've never been to Reign of Terror, it really must be seen to be believed, and what better time to go than right in the middle of the off-season?

Enjoy!

REVIEW: Creep LA: Awake

If you're looking for a haunt (or is it immersive theatre?) that really lives up to its name, Creep LA is your jam. Year after year, they're the classiest, weirdest, most intelligent game in town. If other haunts are "Top That" from Teen Witch (and don't get me wrong, I LOVE "Top That"), Creep LA  is that scene in 2015's The Witch where the bird is pecking that lady's tit while she laughs dementedly. Both are great in their own way, of course, but one makes you laugh with your friends while the other leaves you shuddering alone.

Are you ready to shudder? Alone?

REVIEW: WB's Horror Made Here - A Festival of Frights

When it comes to the LA haunt scene, we may not have much in the way of mazes set in actual abandoned or historical buildings, but we do have one asset that sets us apart from pretty much every other city in the world: Hollywood, baby! This is the epicenter of The Industry, and if you've seen it on screens big or small, there's a pretty good chance it was made on a lot in southern California. Small towns especially; from Haddonfield to Stars Hollow, your favorite quaint suburbs may look like middle America, but they're actually as West Coast as you can get. So it's actually kind of surprising that more movie studios haven't gotten in on the act for Halloween. In fact, for years Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights ran pretty much unchallenged as the Hollywood Home of Halloween Horror. But no more.

Universal, keep an eye on that crown of yours, because Warner Bros. is hot on your heels with Horror Made Here.

REVIEW: The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2018

Let's get this out of the way: I was totally taco-blocked at the Queen Mary last night.

OMG OMG OMG DARK HARBOR RULES THIS YEAR!

They bounced back so incredibly hard from last year's taco debacle that there was no free food whatsoever - not even the possibility of free tacos - and I didn't even care!

Seriously, though - it's the maritime-flavored, floating haunt from hell that we always knew it could be, but I don't think it ever quite achieved its full potential until now. But with haunt mastermind Jon Cooke - the man behind Knott's Scary Farm's Dark Ride, my Favorite Maze Ever - on board to revamp the mazes and rethink the layout, Dark Harbor is finally great. 

Book Review - DRAWN TO THE DARK: EXPLORATIONS IN SCARE TOURISM AROUND THE WORLD by Chris Kullstroem

One of the most effective ways to combat a post-Halloween hangover, I have found, is to have some spooky stuff lined up for at least the first week or two of November. That way you'll ensure an easier transition for yourself from the scariest time of year to the merriest. For my part, I've filled the past week with activities ranging from seeing John Carpenter play live to watching Wicked Lit performed in a cemetery under a full moon to finally finishing the book I've been reading for most of October, Chris Kullstroem's Drawn to the Dark: Explorations in Scare Tourism Around the World. If you need any more evidence that this book is ideal holiday season reading for the creepily-inclined, look no further than the leering Austrian Krampuses on the hell-red cover.

Before I started this book, I expected a somewhat scholarly examination of how various cultures celebrate the macabre in all of its many forms. I thought it would be meticulously researched, painstakingly annotated, and maybe even a little dry, in the way that non-fiction books can sometimes be. Turns out I was all wrong about this book in both tone and content. Instead, Drawn to the Dark reads more like a first-person travelogue, as author Chris Kullstroem sells off her possessions and travels around the world via connections made on the Couchsurfing website, all in the name of seeking what's spooky at home and abroad.

While some of the locations she visits were what I was expecting, such as a jaunt to Mexico for the Day of the Dead or a trip to Transylvania to unravel the myth behind the Dracula legend, many others were totally unexpected, including the Hungarian Busójárás  festival, a mountaintop concert in Germany to honor Walpurgisnacht, and the "Ghostbus Tour" she takes in Ireland. Even the more standard chapters took unexpected turns: Her stay in Oaxaca for Dia de los Muertos ends in a trip to a haunt situated in an old auto junkyard, while the Krampus chapter surprised me simply because I had no idea authentic Austrian Krampus laufs were so brutal (hot tip - if you find yourself in Salzburg during the holiday season, consider investing in shin guards).

Brief descriptions of each event are provided before Kullstroem dives headfirst into celebrating with the locals, but you won't find a definitive history of any particular festival or tradition here. Rather, this book is about one American haunt enthusiast's experience of chasing spookiness all over the globe. Her Couchsurfing hosts, who tend to participate in the haunts, tours, and festivals with her, range from enthusiastic to reluctant, and it's always fun to read their perceptions of their own country's more macabre traditions. For her part, Kullstroem seems to be an incredibly good sport with an unwavering appetite for adventure, and her openness toward new experiences, from performing in haunts to hunting down zombies in a simulated battle to weathering blows from whip-wielding Krampuses, may even inspire you to step out of your own creepy comfort zone.

In her chapter on Transylvania, Kullstroem does a masterful job of balancing the lurid tale of Dracula - and the area's own Drac-centric tourist industry - with the fact that Vlad Tepes, brutal though his methods were, is regarded by many as a folk hero who protected his people from invasion by any means necessary. She visits historical sites and haunts alike, taking them both in stride and enjoying them for what they have to offer, concluding:

There was room for both, I supposed: The reality and the spectacle. One could always lead to appreciating the other - regardless of which we had been originally drawn to.

This lack of distinction between highbrow and lowbrow, between culture and kitsch, is the true crux of the book in my opinion, and what truly sets Drawn to the Dark apart from more academic tomes. Whether you're learning in a museum, paying your respects in a mausoleum, or screaming your head off in a maze, all of these experiences are facets of the same fascination with death, life, and the mysteries of mortality. All have value for those of us who delight in the darkness.

So if you need to recapture that Halloween feeling even as winter is setting in, or you're looking for a great holiday gift for that spooky someone, check out Drawn to the Dark for a unique travel diary that will delight any haunt fan.

Disclosure: I was provided with a complimentary copy of this book for review.

REVIEW: Knott's Scary Farm 2017

Honestly, I had no intention of writing about Knott's Scary Farm this year. It will forever hold a special place in my heart, as the oldest and best of the southern California theme park haunts, but I also think lots of other websites, blogs, and publications offer much more in-depth coverage than I do. Plus, I thought it was just going to be another standard year at the Haunt, that I wouldn't have much to say beyond a cursory, "That was cool."

Dude. I was wrong. Because Knott's wasn't just cool this year. It was SUPER FUCKING COOL.

I had so much fun that it totally reified my love for Knott's, haunts, and even Halloween itself. If I had to point to just one reason why this happened, I could do it in two words: Dark Ride.

REVIEW: Creep LA 2017

Our evening begins on a nondescript loading dock outside of a building in a part of downtown Los Angeles that feels miles away from the trendy bars and restaurants that have started to spring up in the area. This section of town is all concrete and asphalt and sickly yellow-green streetlights. We are herded into groups of 8 and given black bandannas to cover our mouths shortly before we enter a sparsely decorated room illuminated only by candlelight, where we wait. And wait.

And then...she enters.

I'm uncomfortable and nervous and titillated and disoriented. This can only be Creep.

Photo by Hatbox Photography

Creep LA - perhaps the most exciting new haunt I experienced during last year's haunt season - has done it again with their new iteration, a partnership with the popular podcast/Amazon Prime series Lore.  In a world full of jump scares and gore, Creep brings the slow-burn, lingering terror. This experience is not about horrific set pieces and chainsaw chase-outs; rather, it's about catching something out of the corner of your eye, connecting with an actor who is inhabiting a character so fully that you're not even sure if they're acting anymore, losing yourself in the story and surrendering completely to the darkness.

Photo by Hatbox Photography

In fact, Creep isn't really a haunt or a maze at all - it's fully immersive, interactive theater, closer in spirit to New York's Sleep No More than it is to Knott's Scary Farm or Halloween Horror Nights. You become part of the action, moving from room to room, meeting new characters, and yes, even being touched by them from time to time. (Rest assured you won't be harmed or antagonized.)

Photo by Hatbox Photography 

The fairy tales, myths and legends of Lore are a natural fit for Creep, which always prioritizes storytelling above cheap scares. While I think it's best to head in knowing as little as possible about what to expect, I'll gladly tantalize you with a few keywords: Forest. Coffin. Asylum. Seance. Lobotomy. Doll. Wolf. (And as with most of life's best experiences, the whole thing wraps up with cocktails.)

Intrigued? Don't sleep, creeps: Creep LA: Lore runs through November 12, and many dates are already sold out. Grab your tickets now before they fade into the fog.


Disclosure: I was provided with complimentary passes to review this event.

REVIEW: The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2017

Let's get this out of the way: I was totally taco-blocked at the Queen Mary last night.

After standing in line for the better part of an hour, my haunt companion and I were super stoked for our turn at the taco bar. We were downing cocktails and rubbing elbows with the Captain. Those tacos were ours and we knew it. We were sure of it.

Alas, our taco dreams were dashed when we were unceremoniously denied in no uncertain terms. Why? Who knows! Did we ask? You bet! But no one seemed to have any information on this diabolical taco moratorium - only that it was to be strictly and immediately enforced. All I know for sure is that when we were mere steps away from our treats, we were tricked instead.

Deprived of my promised Mexican feast, I let out an insane roar of pure hanger and flipped the table, sending beans and tortillas sailing over the railing and into the inky black of the harbor below before leading my fellow Halloween bloggers on an anarchic rampage through the RIP Lounge, which we left in smoldering tatters, our final act of revenge.

Just kidding. My friend and I went and paid for food at the Muertos Morsels booth.

Spotted when we first entered the haunt, when we still believed we lived in a just and fair world in which "free tacos" were more than just an empty promise.

The "I Scream" booth. Absolutely adorable, but they were sold out of chocolate soft serve! And it was like 8:30 on opening night!

These swings from Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch certainly have stories to tell.

With the great Taco Debacle safely in our rearview, our bellies blessedly full of nachos and quesadillas, we could finally begin our evening in earnest.

Get Your Tickets for Creep LA: Lore NOW

Creep Los Angeles, now in its third year, is still pretty new to the LA haunt scene, but they've certainly carved out a niche with their uniquely cinematic, elegantly terrifying immersive events. Last Halloween, Creep was one of the absolute highlights of my haunt season. I had never experienced anything quite like it. Then, this spring, the creeps of Creep emerged with an interactive theater production called The Willows - another deliciously deranged and haunting entry in their singular body of work. But what would the autumn bring? Surely they were planning a proper October haunt, yes?

Yes, indeed they had something suitably sinister up their creepy sleeves: This year, Creep LA is partnering with the popular podcast-turned-Amazon-show Lore to bring Los Angeles a "fully interactive, multi-sensory, walk-through experience" that draws on the subject matter of the show to take guests on a unique descent into their "darkest nightmares."

Grab your tickets ASAP - Creep has a nasty habit of selling out fast - by visiting their website tomorrow, September 15 at 10 AM PT. Creep LA: Lore will take place in downtown Los Angeles on select dates from October 5 thru November 12, 2017. Tickets start at $65 for a 1-hour walkthrough experience. ADULTS ONLY.

See you creeps there!

REVIEW: Creep Los Angeles 2016

We are driving down a dark road in an industrial area. I haven't seen any houses in a while; just gas stations with their buzzing fluorescent lights, fast food joints and mysterious unmarked warehouses. Have we passed it? Our eyes strain to make out numbers. Then, projected on the side of a building, stark white on black: CREEP. 

"There it is!" I exclaim. I make a U-turn and pull into the lot.

A small group of people linger out front. A man in a dark hoodie and mask hands us cards inscribed with a single word and silently points to the X's on the ground in front of the door. We take our places. An orchestral cover of Radiohead's "Creep" plays. Are those children singing? It's hot in LA - still summer, really - but Halloween is in the air.

The door swings open. It's our turn to enter.

I ask to use the bathroom. It's lit only by candles; incense smolders in the sink. One of the creeps repeatedly pounds on the door while I try to pee. "This is all part of it," I reassure myself.

They call us forward, four at a time, and ask us to sign waivers. I don't even read mine, I just scribble my name. "Don't fuck it up," a creep hisses in my ear. After everyone has signed their lives away, they gesture: This way. Look for the man with the clipboard and introduce yourselves. We slink down a twisting maze in pitch blackness, the eight of us, thrown together by fate. Where are we heading?

Suddenly, a light. No one jumps out at us. There are no flayed corpses or fog machines or spiderwebs. Just a room that looks like a nightclub from a David Lynch movie, bathed in red light. PJ Harvey's "Electric Light" is playing. We order vodka sodas and wait, nervously. What have we gotten ourselves into?

A beautiful woman asks me to dance and makes me promise to go wherever the darkness takes me. A stranger pulls me away from my husband and takes me into an enclosed space. A man tells us the story of Erebus Burwyck, who believed the path to transcendence was paved with suffering, both mental and physical, before hammering nails into his face.

Then, the man with the clipboard says the word printed on the cards we were given. Purgatory is behind us now; only hell lies ahead.

We are led away. Our adventure begins in earnest.

What happens at CreepLA? To say much more would be to spoil the surprise. Suffice it to say that this haunt is totally unique, and true to its name. Will you be touched? Absolutely. You may be blindfolded, or told to hide. Your face may be painted. You're guaranteed to have a different experience than your friends. (But for those who fear McKamey Manor-esque hijinks like faux water boarding or live insects on your face, rest assured that nothing like that will befall you from the creeps at CreepLA. You will be touched, but you won't be harmed.)

If you're game, this is an experience that's rich with petrifying possibilities. Enter the darkness, and let the darkness enter you.

Disclosure: I was provided with complimentary passes to review this event.

Knott's Scary Farm 2013, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Haunt

As you may recall from a certain sad and dramatic post around this time last year, I've been a little burnt out on haunts. I'm certainly grateful for all of the cool Halloween events I've had the privilege of attending and reviewing over the past few years, but I think going to a dozen different haunted houses every October for several consecutive years will do that to a gal. In any case, I was planning to continue my moratorium on professional haunts this year, but then something happened. Something busty and beautiful and far too tempting to pass up.

Elvira returned to Knott's Scary Farm!

Okay, for those of you who didn't grow up in the shadow of Buena Park, Elvira always used to do a show at the Charles M. Schulz theater, and it was really one of the highlights of the Haunt every year. Basically, it was like a Vegas show, starring Elvira - kind of like the end of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. A little ribald comedy, a few song & dance numbers, and a chance to glimpse the Mistress of the Dark in action with your very own eyes. Then the Elvira stopped. For years, no Elvira at the Haunt. It was a tragedy! A travesty! In short, I was totes bummed. So when I heard that she was back this year, I knew that my attendance was inevitable.

As opening weekend drew near, my anticipation reached feverish new heights. The mazes sounded so intriguing! Before I knew what was happening, I was back in the throes of Haunt fever.

And dude...Knott's really delivered this year! Mr. Spooky and I agree that this was our best Haunt experience to date. 

 
The mazes. Oh, those mazes. I'm not sure what's going on at Knott's, but I had the distinct feeling that maybe they hired new people with a real passion for their work, or perhaps the same staff is behind everything but they managed to rediscover what they once loved about their job. In any event, after years of feeling like the Haunt was becoming increasingly corporate and soulless, I feel certain now that their heart is back in the right place. All of the mazes that we went through were creative and lovely, with spooky atmosphere as well as the startle scares we've all come to expect.

A quick rundown of the mazes, in the order we went through them:

• Trick or Treat: Halloween night at the Green Witch's house. Loved this one. The Green Witch is a wonderful mascot, and the trick-or-treating theme is perf, obvs. 
• Endgames: Post-apocalyptic with a brutal metal soundtrack. I didn't expect much from this maze, probably because I didn't vibe on the theme as much as I did with some of the others, but I thought it was cool and gruesome and scary.
• Delirium: Descent-into-madness meets Hellraiser. Lots of cool imagery in this one, starting with the eyeball-studded facade. I tried to get a picture, but it was too dark...alas. I loved the Asylum, but it was definitely tired and I think it's so clever that they replaced a maze about the horrors of encountering the criminally deranged with a maze that confronts the terror of spiraling into insanity.
• Dominion of the Damned: Gothic vampire maze complete with a mausoleum, garden, and - my personal favorite - a churchyard full of rattling caskets. This one was beautiful and eerie; one of my favorites of the night. So glad to see them abandon Club Blood in favor of returning to their goth roots for the vampy maze.
• Forevermore: Edgar Allan Poe-inspired. Creative scenes and of course I love the subject matter. Instead of an intensely loud metal or dubstep soundtrack, this one featured readings of Poe's poetry and short stories, which was a great touch, and very effective.
• Pinnochio Unstrung: Killer dolls and puppets. I dug it, but I think I liked the Doll Factory better. Still, Pinnochio is a great fairy tale ripe for a disturbing makeover like this one.
• The Witch's Keep: This is just the Mine Ride, but with witches. Witches! We went twice.
• Gunslinger's Grave: Old West spookiness. I'm struggling right now to remember specifics from this maze, but I still liked it a lot and I love how Knott's went the Old West route with a maze this year. It reminds me of Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, which is one of my favorite video games.
• Black Magic: Ah, the Houdini/evil magician maze. No surprise really that this was my favorite maze of the night. 

We skipped the Slaughterhouse - it just sounded too uncomfortably gruesome, plus we've gone through that maze or some variation of it countless times before - and Mirror Mirror, because it had a line and I had read negative reviews from several different sources online. Oh, and we were unwilling to pay an additional $60 for Trapped, so that was out of the question.
 
The five scare zones were less intensely decorated than in years past, but they were still a lot of fun. There were Old West monsters and killer clowns and a Gypsy Camp and steampunk vampires and beautiful Mexican girls in sugar skull makeup. We caught a few minutes of Blood Drums, which was cool. And, oh yes, there was FOG. So much of it, clouds of it, surrounding us as we walked slowly down the pathways as shapes of people - or monsters - slowly emerged from it. That's the kind of priceless Halloween experience I have only ever had at Knott's, Goddess bless 'em.

Elvira's Sinema Seance...what can I say? It was fabulous, of course. The stage was festooned with witchy, Ouija symbolism and a digital backdrop of candles flickering in Gothic archways between red velvet curtains. The show began with a dance number by Academy of Villains, which was so cool, and then Elvira came out, resplendent in low-cut black and red sequins, lobbing sassy one-liners and singing Halloween-themed parody songs. My heart felt full with love for the Queen of Halloween.

Crowds were so sparse - because it was a Sunday, because we got there early, because we went in September instead of October - that we were able to squeeze in some peripheral Knott's fun as well. We rode the Log Ride (not decorated for the Haunt this year, but still so fun), the Coast Rider (just the kind of weenie coaster I love!) and the Pacific Scrambler, which made everyone on it laugh hysterically.  And speaking of laughter, Mr. Spooky and I have to hand it to the monsters this year: They brought their fucking A-game. It felt 100% like being a kid on Halloween night, with roaming groups of fellow kids in costume making mischief and wreaking havoc.

One of the funniest things ever happened when we were walking to the Scrambler: A group of monsters surrounded us and one of them said to Mr. Spooky, "Cut your hair!" Another exclaimed, "I can't tell which one's the guy and which one's the girl in the relationship!" We chuckled as we walked away and I jokingly said, "Those monsters sexually harassed us!" and Mr. Spooky replied, "Yeah, and what's really weird is that I saw them put a note on some girl's back who was walking by." Just as the words left his mouth, I noticed a piece of paper on his back!

Yeah, that's right: ENTER HERE with an arrow pointing down to his ass! We both collapsed in laughter until we were crying. I have never encountered such a level of commitment to a gag at the Haunt; normally they just scream or snort in your ear, or shake a can of beans in your face or whatever. This took planning! It took diversionary tactics! Bravo, you beautiful bastards! And that's to say nothing of when Mr. Spooky and I were sharing a tender moment near one of the rollercoasters, and just as he put his arm around my shoulders, one of the evil clowns walked up behind us and began singing, "Loving you, is easy 'cause you're beautiful..." into a megaphone. Again, we laughed till we cried.

Man, what else can I say? Knott's Scary Farm is a Halloween tradition. They are back in fine form. You've gotta go.

Faith in haunts: Renewed. It's a Halloween miracle!

Dead Inside? Redefining My Halloween Experience

This has been a hard post for me to write - clearly, since I've waited nearly a full month to write it. It all started when I went to the opening night of Universal's Halloween Horror Nights on September 21st. Haunted attractions (as I prefer to call them, to differentiate from locations that are rumored to be "actually" haunted) like these - and Universal's annual event in particular - have been a huge part of my Halloween experience for at least the last 5-10 years. Of course, I've been going to Knott's Scary Farm on and off since I was a little kid, around 7 years old, and while I always looked forward to it I was never devastated if I missed a year, and I never felt the need to seek out other haunts - Knott's easily filled my yearly quota for mazes and fog machines and actors in rubber masks.

Then I started this blog. At first I envisioned Spooky Little Girl as merely a place where I could talk about the horror movies I was currently watching and/or anticipating, and where I could point like-minded readers to noteworthy spooky events happening in the Los Angeles area. Then I discovered something interesting: There were SO MANY MORE haunted attractions in southern California than just Knott's and Universal. And as a journalist (of sorts), I could often get free passes to these events in order to review them on my blog!

The freaky floodgates opened and I started attending as many haunts as I could possibly fit into my schedule. Basically, I had little time for anything else - my weekends were packed between mid-September and the beginning of November. At first, I was in horror heaven. And then I started to feel a little lackadaisical about the whole thing; I was still excited, but it was hard not to feel like I was seeing the same things year after year. It was hard to ignore the fact that the "monsters" were just actors and the "mazes" were just painted plywood. I used to be incredibly jumpy - one of those people who screams at nearly every turn in the maze. Last year, I started to suspect that I was broken. Nothing scared me anymore. I had lost my scream. I was dead inside.

Last year, I told myself I would take a break from mazes and haunted attractions. At least for a little while.

Yet as the months rolled by and my beloved Halloween haunts started to loom on the horizon, I felt excited again. I couldn't wait to go to Universal and take a ride on the Walking Dead Terror Tram and revisit the La Llorona maze and experience the witch-themed scare zone. September 21st rolled around and Mr. Spooky and I happily headed out to the Valley for our annual dose of scares. Yet something curious happened. Something I had never fully experienced before.

We had just finished the Terror Tram and we paused on the walkway overlooking the backlot. I felt strangely empty. Not scared. Not intrigued. Not thrilled. Looking out at the sound stages and production offices, I felt an ineffable, powerful yearning to be a part of everything - to actually make films instead of just watching them or, at an even further remove, walking through mazes loosely based on them. I turned to Mr. Spooky and said these fateful words:

"I think I'm over haunts."

It was a weird, complicated feeling to finally confess this truth out loud. I felt relieved and sad and like I was finally growing up, but maybe I was a little depressed about growing up, but really I felt excited that I was finally ready to learn about things and maybe make some art instead of just experiencing things that interest me and scare me at a safe remove via an amusement park ride or maze.

I felt ready to experience Halloween in a new way - a way that doesn't involve having people in costumes jump out at me and startle me. Haunts have been such a focal point for me these past few years that the 31st has actually become an afterthought: Sometimes I don't even dress up on the day itself. More than once, Mr. Spooky and I have just stayed at home and watched scary movies instead of planning anything for our favorite night of the year. When people ask me what I have in store for Halloween, I've often felt confused: Halloween is beside the point, right? My objective was to go through as many mazes as possible!

Am I truly over haunted attractions for good? It's hard to say. Maybe in a year or two I'll feel like going to Knott's again, or I'll pine for the Haunted Hayride, or there will be a new haunt that tickles my fancy. I'm certainly not writing them off entirely. But I can say, with complete confidence, that I am over haunts for now.

So where does that leave me for the rest of this Halloween season? It is, after all, still my favorite time of year.

Tuesday is my birthday. I'm going to see an advance screening of Paranormal Activity 4. On the 20th, Mr. Spooky and I are heading to Vegas to tie the knot in a gothic garden wedding ceremony. Beyond that, I'm not entirely sure.

I want to see Sinister and V/H/S. I'm still looking forward to the Halloween rerelease at the end of the month. Of course, staying home and watching scary movies on TV will always be a great way to spend any given October night (Hot Tip: TCM is showing a slew of Hammer horror flicks on Wednesday!). But what else?

Here are a few more non-haunt-related Halloweenie activities I'm looking forward to as I start to redefine the holiday for myself:

• October 24 - Dead Men DO Tell Tales @ the Last Bookstore: An awesomely weird combo of sex ghost lecture/slideshow presentation, films by the Art of Bleeding and performances by Rosemary's Billygoat and a band that does sci-fi theremin music. Sex ghosts?!!
• October 25-31 - Monster Mansion @ the Magic Castle: If you or someone you know has a Magic Castle membership, you need to go the last week of October. Classic monsters will be roaming the halls, and guests are encouraged to come in costume! The Magic Castle is one of my favorite places in the entire world. I celebrated my birthday here last year and it truly was magical.
• October 27 & 28 - Victorian Halloween and Mourning Tours @ Heritage Square: Learn about the Spiritualist movement, Victorian funerary customs and mourning etiquette in a gorgeous period-authentic setting. I've always wanted to do this and have never been able to find the time...until now.
• End of October/beginning of November - Dia de los Muertos events: I would love to experience all of the cool Day of the Dead events offered around L.A. this time of year. Perhaps we'll actually make it out to the always-crazy-crowded Hollywood Forever event on October 27?!

More than anything else, I am finally learning the truth that lies in all those treacly Christmas specials: Halloween isn't something you can buy in a store. Halloween isn't something you can purchase a ticket to, or something you have to venture out to find.

Halloween, my spooky sisters and brothers, is in your heart.

2012 Haunts

It's that time of year: Haunt season is upon us. No more lurking in the shadows and watching horror movies in darkened movie theaters or the privacy of our own homes to get scared - no, friends, it's time to come out of the terror closet and get scared in public!

This October looks to be a busier one than usual for me, since I'm getting married in Vegas on October 20th (!), so I'm not sure how many haunts I'm going to make it out to this year, but I will try my damnedest to see as many as possible. Here's an exhaustive look at the most promising newcomers, as well as what our perennial southern California favorites have in store for 2012, arranged by opening date:

OPENED SEPTEMBER 14:

Disneyland's Halloween Time  was the first out of the gate this year, opening on Friday, September 14th. You can read my 2009 review of the park's Halloween festivities here. It looks like the attractions are pretty much the same this year as in year's past: The Haunted Mansion will be transformed into Haunted Mansion Holiday with a Nightmare Before Christmas overlay, Space Mountain becomes Ghost Galaxy, and there will be a Dia de los Muertos celebration in Frontierland. Additionally, you can view the Art of Frankenweenie exhibit over at California Adventure for a look at props and puppets used in the making of the upcoming Tim Burton movie. Halloween Time at Disneyland will probably never make you scream in terror, but it will definitely make you feel like a kid again, in the best possible way.

Tickets to Disneyland are $87 to visit one park for those 10 & up, and $125 for a one-day park hopper ticket to visit both Disneyland and California Adventure. Halloween Time runs through October 31.

OPENS SEPTEMBER 21:

Knott's Scary Farm looks to be pulling out all the stops this year in honor of the 40th anniversary of their legendary Halloween Haunt. While the Haunt will always be a favorite, in recent years I've noted that some of the mazes were becoming a little stale. But even if you're an annual visitor, Knott's seems to have a lot of surprises up their collective spooky sleeve for 2012 - starting with their mascot, the Green Witch. YAY WITCHES. There are 13 mazes and themed rides - still more than any other local haunt - including holdovers like the excellent zombie maze Virus Z, the darkly romantic Terror of London and the vibrant Dia de los Muertos maze. There's also a return to form with the gothy vampire maze Dominion of the Dead, an Evil Dead-themed Log Ride and exciting new offerings like homicidal puppet maze Pinocchio Unstrung and the Halloween-themed Trick or Treat. For an additional $60 (for a group of up to 6 guests) you can also experience Trapped, a reservation-only interactive maze that you go through sans crowds for a more intimate (albeit somewhat costly) haunt experience. Unless you're flush with cash, better bring a few friends along for that one so you can split the fee.

Tickets to Knott's Scary Farm start at $36. The Halloween Haunt runs through October 31.

Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights is the other Big Haunt in the LA area, and while it can't match Knott's in terms of seniority or volume of mazes, it has frequently surpassed it in quality of makeup, maze design and fx, and it has the arguable advantage of basing its mazes on actual movies and popular horror franchises, from A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th to Halloween and Scream. (Read my previous HHN coverage here.) I mean Jesus, they even have the Psycho house sitting there on the back lot! This year the Terror Tram (which is, in my opinion, the best part of HHN) is based on AMC's The Walking Dead, as is one of the mazes, along with Texas Chainsaw, Silent Hill, La Llorona and a new Alice Cooper maze. There is also a witch-themed scare zone, to which I again say, YAY WITCHES.

Tickets to Universal's Halloween Horror Nights start at $41. HHN runs through October 31.

OPENS SEPTEMBER 27:

 

One of the most intriguing new haunts (well...it's sort of a haunt, sort of a play) last year was the interactive theater experience Haunted Play presents Delusion. Guests enter a real crumbling old mansion and find themselves immersed in a terrifying plot as they dart from room to room, occasionally performing tasks or trying to escape the clutches of monsters and madmen. This year's attraction, called Haunted Play presents Delusion: The Blood Rite, has an entirely new backstory and promises to be even scarier than last year's. If you're interested in something a little different from the standard maze trudge or you'd like to see unbelievable stunts unfold right before your eyes, I highly recommend this event.

Tickets for Haunted Play presents Delusion: The Blood Rite start at $45, and the play runs through November 10.

OPENS SEPTEMBER 28:

Santa Monica's Paranoia Haunted Attraction, new for 2012, is - as far as I know - the first large-scale professional haunt to take place on the Westside. While it's exciting to think about not having to drive out to the Valley or down to Orange County for a little Halloween action, the 3 mazes at Paranoia don't sound terribly innovative in terms of content: There's a clown maze, an asylum/hospital maze and something called "Granny's Manor of Mayhem" which might be evil hillbillies (Pig's Kitchen?) but then again might be Washington Irving-inspired (Headless Horseman?). I am in no way writing off this attraction, mind you - in fact, I'm excited to find out how they fare in their first year. Definitely one to watch.

Tickets to Paranoia start at $24, and the attraction runs through October 31.

 

Anaheim's The Empty Grave is one of those haunts that I've always heard about, but I've never made it out to visit. Perhaps this year we can remedy that. The back story seems to center on some sort of haunted cemetery where the vengeful spirits of the dead have possessed the graveyard's groundskeeper. I kind of love the fact that there is no demented circus angle, no killer clowns with chainsaws, no slaughterhouse-dwelling inbred freaks...none of the standard haunt mainstays, just a simple cemetery overrun by the evil, evil dead.

Tickets to the Empty Grave are $13 (or two for $20), and the haunt runs through October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 4:

Here it is, ghouls: My most anticipated haunt for Halloween 2012, the Blumhouse of Horrors. This is another brand new one. Why am I looking forward to it so much? Three reasons: First, because it takes place in the old Variety Arts Theatre in downtown LA. I love old theatres! They always have such a spooky melancholy about them. Second, because the back story centers around a "twisted dark art magician." I love magic and magicians! The darker the better! And third, because this haunt is brought to you by the producers of the films Insidious, the upcoming Sinister and the Paranormal Activity franchise. I unabashedly love found-footage horror movies, and the movies that finally dethroned Saw at the box office will always have a special place in my heart. I'll take ghost stories over torture porn any day. Bring on the Blumhouse!

Tickets for the Blumhouse of Horrors start at $29, and the haunt runs through November 3.

OPENS OCTOBER 5:

Ah, the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride. Still the only attraction of its kind in LA. I love the Hayride and its haunted carnival vibe. (Read my coverage of LAHHs past here.) This year's theme is "The Congregation," and it looks to be a prequel of sorts to past Hayrides, with a special focus on cults. Ooh, creepy cults! Love it. They also promise a longer ride than in years past, and offer guests a brand new "You will get wet!" caveat. Color me intrigued. The In-Between dark maze (much improved last year) will also be returning. If you're looking for an attraction that evokes something a little more rustic than most LA haunts, I recommend the Hayride.

Tickets for the LA Haunted Hayride start at $29 for the Hayride only, and $37 for the Hayride and the In-Between maze. The LAHH runs through October 31.

Queen Mary's Dark Harbor was a fun surprise when I visited it for the first time back in 2010, and this year will see the addition of a brand new maze, called Deadrise, as well as several new monster mascots based on the ship's ghostly lore and naval history.

Tickets for the Queen Mary's Dark Harbor start at $20 (for early entrance between 7 and 8pm, price not valid after 8pm), and the event runs through October 31.

 

The Reign of Terror Haunted House in Thousand Oaks is, oddly enough, one I've never experienced with the lights out and monsters roaming the corridors, although what I did see when I took a behind-the-scenes tour back in 2010 was enough to make a hugely favorable impression on me. ROT is an independently owned and operated haunt with a lot of heart and impeccable attention to gory detail. If you're in the area, you're morally obligated to attend, and if you're a little far from Thousand Oaks, believe me when I say it's worth the drive. This year's haunt features four different mazes, from the OG Victorian-style haunted house that started it all to the brand new Miner's Revenge - well worth the almost absurdly low price of admission.

Tickets to Reign of Terror are $15, and the haunted house runs through October 31.

Pasadena's Old Town Haunt is another independent maze that offers a nice alternative to the steep prices and long lines of an amusement park haunt. Taking place in an old bank vault in Old Town Pasadena, this haunt - like the Queen Mary and the Blumhouse of Horrors - boasts a location that is potentially haunted year-round, adding an extra element of creepiness to the proceedings. I've only been once, but the Old Town Haunt was one of my favorites when I went a couple of years ago, and a definite must-do if you've never been. Note: Prepare to get on your hands and knees and conquer that claustrophobia!

Tickets for the Old Town Haunt start at $15, and the event runs through October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 12:

The Backwoods Maze in Burbank is one of the best yard haunts I've ever been to, and it's open for business again this year. It's amazing what they can do with such a small space. The maze is free, but donations are accepted, so bring a few bucks to pitch in toward their operating costs.

The Backwoods Maze is open on select nights through October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 20:

Another amateur Halloween spectacle that truly must be seen and experienced to be believed, Boney Island was a holiday stalwart in its Sherman Oaks neighborhood for many years before it was closed down due to the complaints of a crotchety neighbor. (Boo!) Luckily, said neighbor moved and last year Boney Island was back in business! The theme of this interactive family-friendly Halloween display (it's not exactly a haunt, since it's not scary in the least) used to be a carnival populated by skeletons, but since its resurrection it's taken on a whimsical skeleton magician theme. If you're feeling at all "grinchy" about Halloween this year, a quick jaunt to Boney Island to see the skeletons in action - and the delighted reactions of spectators both young and old - will put you in the spirit immediately.

Boney Island is free, and will be open on select nights between October 20 and October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 27:

Again, not a haunt, but an area tradition nonetheless: The annual Dia de los Muertos celebration at the always delightful Hollywood Forever Cemetery. There may not be Halloween screams, but there will be plenty of opportunity to take joy in the macabre at this always-packed event. If you're planning to go, get there early. And I mean EARLY, because parking will be impossible and the line will be insurmountable if you wait until night falls to get there. Good luck!

Hollywood Forever's Dia de los Muertos celebration will be held this year on October 27, and general admission tickets are $10 (bring exact change).

The Haunted Diary Presents: Haunted Hollow is another brand new haunt this year - at least to me, although it looks as though this isn't their first year in operation. According to the write-up on Hollywood Gothique,

The Haunted Diary promises a “classic, vintage Halloween feel” that will recreate a 1970s small town. Trick-or-Treaters will first pass through cornfields and a swamp on the outskirts. Next, they will enter the village of Paxton and encounter the victims, before proceeding inside the Dent residence and the Paxton School house.

"Classic, vintage Halloween feel," you say? "1970s small town," you say? I'M THERE. This Hollywood yard haunt sounds totally unique and right up my alley.

The Haunted Diary Presents: Haunted Hollow is free, but donations are accepted, and it will operate on the nights of October 27 and October 31.

Review: Haunted Play Presents "DELUSION"

It seems like every year, just as I'm starting to feel like I might be (gasp) a little burnt out on haunted houses, a new (or at least new-to-me) attraction comes along that restores my faith in Halloween and, you know, humanity as a whole. Quick recap of this phenomenon: 2008, Universal Halloween Horror Nights - I hadn't been in years and I was absolutely floored by how rad it was. 2009, L.A. Haunted Hayride's inaugural year - a totally unique experience for me, as it was my very first haunted hayride. 2010, Reign of Terror in Thousand Oaks - I couldn't believe the attention to detail and length of the maze. And what takes the creepy cake this year? A haunted house/theater hybrid known as Haunted Play presents "DELUSION."

Much has been made about one very specific aspect of Delusion's online FAQ:

• Q: Will they touch me?
  

• A: All haunted houses say their actors won’t touch you. That is NOT the case here.

This is basically the haunted house equivalent of the old Psycho trick of killing off the star of a horror movie well before the end of the film - it creates anticipation and makes the audience feel like all bets are off, and absolutely anything could happen. Well, rest assured that you probably will be touched if you attend Delusion, but it probably won't be as traumatic or violent as what you're imagining! (But really...who knows? Mwahaha.)

Yet my favorite aspect of this play/attraction isn't wondering whether or not the actors would touch me - it was being able to walk through such a fabulously creepy crumbling old mansion. Yes, the above photo is actually where Delusion takes place - an eerie, rundown, Haunted Mansion-esque estate. And the interior is even more deliciously spooky, with the kind of attention to detail that really makes a haunt.

Since Delusion was created by a Hollywood stuntman, you're probably expecting some cool stunts, right? Again, you won't be disappointed. The actors in this haunted play execute stunts more sophisticated than anything I've seen in a haunted house. When one of the "patients" (check out the website for the full Delusion backstory) laughs maniacally and then suddenly flies up out of view, it's like witnessing something out of The Exorcist in real life. Likewise when another character is dragged down the hall kicking and screaming by an unseen force. You expect these kinds of effects in movies, but not at a haunted house.

Another quality that sets Delusion apart is the fact that it forces you to become an active participant in the story. You will be asked to perform certain tasks, and your life (and the lives of your dozen or so companions) may hang in the balance. Oh, and wear comfortable shoes - you may be running from room to room in order to evade the ghouls!

Halloween is just two days away, but if you're looking for some last minute scares, I recommend trying to fit this one in. And if you miss out this year, go ahead and mark your calendar for October 2012 - I guarantee Haunted Play is going to be one to watch for many Halloweens to come.

Disclosure: I was provided with complimentary passes to review this event.