REVIEW: The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2018

Let's get this out of the way: I was totally taco-blocked at the Queen Mary last night.

OMG OMG OMG DARK HARBOR RULES THIS YEAR!

They bounced back so incredibly hard from last year's taco debacle that there was no free food whatsoever - not even the possibility of free tacos - and I didn't even care!

Seriously, though - it's the maritime-flavored, floating haunt from hell that we always knew it could be, but I don't think it ever quite achieved its full potential until now. But with haunt mastermind Jon Cooke - the man behind Knott's Scary Farm's Dark Ride, my Favorite Maze Ever - on board to revamp the mazes and rethink the layout, Dark Harbor is finally great. 

REVIEW: Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2019

This Halloween season is going to be a little different for me; namely, I will be out of town -- in fact, out of the country -- on Halloween. And while that's terribly exciting, it's also put a bit of a damper on all of my usual October traditions: I simply don't have the time to do everything this year! So that makes hitting up an old standby like Queen Mary's Dark Harbor all the more important. Now in its tenth year, Dark Harbor 2019 is a bit like creepy comfort food: Reliably awesome, if unsurprising.

Overall, Dark Harbor hasn't changed that much from last year, when I proclaimed it to be a veritable maritime mind-blower. But I do have to admit that the tweaks, while subtle, weren't exactly for the better. Gone is the ice bar - not a deal-breaker, but a fun touch that I missed. There is only one new maze for 2019, and the returning mazes seemed a bit shorter this year. Still, I had a great time, and would heartily recommend Dark Harbor to anyone who has yet to check it out, or who hasn't been in a while.

The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2010

The ship looms above you, silhouetted ominously against the autumn sky. A hellish maze of cargo containers topped with a tower that periodically spews flames into the air confuses and disorients you. You flee to the safety of the village, only to be cornered time and again by demons hungry for your flesh. Your only possible refuge is the ship - the Grey Ghost - and, once on board, you realize that there is no salvation to be had; there is only fire, water, disease and death. Welcome to the Queen Mary's Dark Harbor.

Your potential enjoyment of Long Beach's newest haunted attraction hinges on the following: Does the above description sound like an utter nightmare or a fun Friday night? If your answer is the latter, then you're bound to have a spooky good time at the Dark Harbor. Let me begin by saying that if you've never visited the Queen Mary, that's reason enough to buy your tickets now. The ship, with its Art Deco interiors and numerous ghost stories, is beautiful and eerie, and you'll have ample chance to explore once you're finished with the Halloween-specific mazes and attractions.


As mentioned, 2010 marks the very first incarnation of the Dark Harbor. There have been previous haunts on and around the Queen Mary (most recently known as the "Shipwreck" for Halloween), but this is their first attempt to create a completely immersive experience that incorporates everything this unique setting has to offer - not just the ship itself, but the harbor, village and even the massive dome that once housed the Spruce Goose. The Dark Harbor also seeks to set itself apart from other area haunts by creating an overarching storyline that links all of the mazes together, rather than simply throwing together a bunch of disparate Halloween tropes and calling it a night.

While I greatly admire this sentiment, it has to be said that some aspects of the Dark Harbor succeed better than others when it comes to sticking to themes. For instance, the three mazes onboard the ship address specific fears that many people have when it comes to sea travel, such as disease outbreaks, drowning and fire. Yet the whole "three she-demons" idea - while cool in theory - was a little hard to follow. (Basically, there is one demon who lords over the ship, one who commands the village and one who controls the ruined seaport as a whole.) How do these demons tie into the mazes themselves? I'm not entirely sure...but I have to say that momentary confusion did little to dim my enjoyment of the event as a whole. Here are my thoughts on each of the five individual mazes:

1. Village of the Damned: I absolutely adored the setting for this maze, which takes place in the little Tudor village near the ship. It had a very Old World feel, which reminded me of the classic Universal monster movies, and many twists and turns to keep you on your toes. There was a good combination of monsters jumping out at you and tortured souls telling you frantically to "turn back now!" Perhaps not the strongest thematically, but in terms of ambiance, a definite winner.
2. The Cage: This is the maze that takes place in the Spruce Goose dome, which truly must be seen to be believed in terms of size. (At several points during the maze, I thought to myself, "How are we not outside?!") The objective with the Cage was to scrap any attempts at theme and instead give visitors a more tactile and purely disorienting experience - think mirrors, optical illusions, colored lights and chain-link fences. Unfortunately, this was my least favorite maze of the night. However, I do think that this maze could be improved as the event continues to grow and the kinks are ironed out in the years to come. At this point, though, it simply left me wanting more - and eager to check out the next themed maze.
3. Containment: One of the three onboard mazes, Containment is populated by the diseased, the demented and the undead. As you snake your way through the ship, you'll encounter madness, mutilation and mayhem as people reach out to you from hospital beds and chase you in their wheelchairs. I enjoyed this maze, but of the three on the ship, I found it to be the least frightening.
4. Hellfire: Ah, now we're talking! When we attended on Friday, this maze - which imagines the deadly consequences of a fire on board the ship - was apparently a little too on point. While we were waiting in line, the fire alarms began to sound. At first we assumed it was all part of the show, but then we were evacuated from the area! I'm not sure whether there are supposed to be massive pyrotechnic effects in this maze - I got the impression that perhaps that was the case - but in any event, there weren't many flames by the time we went through. (I'm sure the special effects are back on track by now; after all, we went on opening night, so a few hiccups are to be expected.) Still, Hellfire was one of my favorites. If you have a fear of heights, as I do, there is a special thrill waiting for you near the end of the maze. Mwahaha.
5. Submerged: My favorite! I loved this maze. It was the last one we went through, and in my opinion, the best of the night. What could be scarier than a sinking ship? I loved the dank feel of walking through the bowels of the ship as animatronics and water effects simulated various scenes of aquatic torment. Submerged also holds a special place in my heart because it takes you through the first class swimming pool, an area which is rumored to be one of the most haunted parts of the ship. I've been to the Queen Mary several times, but never managed to get myself into the pool area until now, and the creepy payoff was well worth it. The ghostly projections on the bottom of the empty pool are a nice touch.

In addition to the mazes, there is a "scare zone" of sorts known as the Barricades, which is composed of the aforementioned cargo containers, stacked four stories high and topped with the Hell's Bells Tower that shoots flames 20 feet into the air. The Barricades compose an open maze of sorts, thick with fog and rife with monsters. Along the perimeter you'll find food and drinks, as well as the ghoulishly themed Night Mariner's Bar - watch for the unfortunate swimmer who attempted to cut his way out of the giant shark that consumed him - and a stage that presents nightly entertainment from local bands. The Dark Harbor even offers its own Halloween cocktail, a tasty red rum-based beverage called a Bloody Shipwreck.


The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor may not be the most sophisticated haunt in southern California just yet, but it's an excellent alternative for haunt enthusiasts who may be looking for a change from their standard Knott's/Universal October jaunt - and it's a deliciously spooky introduction to the ship itself. I predict that the Queen Mary will be providing serious competition for the Halloween big boys in no time.

The Dark Harbor takes place on weekends now through the end of October, from 7 PM to 12 midnight. Tickets are just $25 with a valid student ID, and during their "Sea Evil Savings Weekends" (Oct. 8-10 and 15-17) general admission will be lowered to $29. Parking is $10. For more information, visit the official website.

Disclosure: I was provided with complimentary passes to review this event.

REVIEW: The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor 2017

Let's get this out of the way: I was totally taco-blocked at the Queen Mary last night.

After standing in line for the better part of an hour, my haunt companion and I were super stoked for our turn at the taco bar. We were downing cocktails and rubbing elbows with the Captain. Those tacos were ours and we knew it. We were sure of it.

Alas, our taco dreams were dashed when we were unceremoniously denied in no uncertain terms. Why? Who knows! Did we ask? You bet! But no one seemed to have any information on this diabolical taco moratorium - only that it was to be strictly and immediately enforced. All I know for sure is that when we were mere steps away from our treats, we were tricked instead.

Deprived of my promised Mexican feast, I let out an insane roar of pure hanger and flipped the table, sending beans and tortillas sailing over the railing and into the inky black of the harbor below before leading my fellow Halloween bloggers on an anarchic rampage through the RIP Lounge, which we left in smoldering tatters, our final act of revenge.

Just kidding. My friend and I went and paid for food at the Muertos Morsels booth.

Spotted when we first entered the haunt, when we still believed we lived in a just and fair world in which "free tacos" were more than just an empty promise.

The "I Scream" booth. Absolutely adorable, but they were sold out of chocolate soft serve! And it was like 8:30 on opening night!

These swings from Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch certainly have stories to tell.

With the great Taco Debacle safely in our rearview, our bellies blessedly full of nachos and quesadillas, we could finally begin our evening in earnest.

Queen Mary's Dark Harbor - TICKET GIVEAWAY!

If my review of the Queen Mary's Dark Harbor Halloween event has properly whetted your appetite for screams by the sea, then good - I've done my job! But don't worry, I won't leave you high and dry...you can enter to win FREE TICKETS to the Dark Harbor, and all you have to do is bust out your best Dorothy Parker and come up with a witty caption to the above photo. Tweet your funniest one-liners to @TheQueenMary on Twitter - and don't forget to include a link to this blog post so they know where you're coming from! (Hint: Use bit.ly to shorten URLs.)

Here's a step by step of how to enter to win your FREE tickets to the Queen Mary's Dark Harbor:

1. Come up with a funny caption for the above photo.
2. Post it on your Twitter account. The beginning of your Tweet should say @TheQueenMary.
3. Include a link to this blog post. (Use bit.ly so the URL doesn't take up too much space.)

EXAMPLE: "@TheQueenMary This cruise wasn't as relaxing as we thought it would be! http://bit.ly/bbrntV" (Okay, okay, not terribly witty...but you get the idea. And make sure your URL points to this specific post!)

Got it? Go! Your submissions must be sent in by 5 PM on Thursday, October 7th. Good luck!

Last Minute GIVEAWAY: Win Tickets to Queen Mary's Dark Harbor for 10/17!

Time for a last-minute giveaway from the generous ghouls over at the Queen Mary's Dark Harbor: You can win tickets to the Dark Harbor for THIS SUNDAY, October 17th! All you have to do is come up with a scary story (in 140 characters or less) that relates to the above photo and post it here. Oh, and don't forget to mention that SPOOKY LITTLE GIRL sent ya.

Winners will be chosen by the end of the day today and tickets will be good for this Sunday's event. Good luck!

2012 Haunts

It's that time of year: Haunt season is upon us. No more lurking in the shadows and watching horror movies in darkened movie theaters or the privacy of our own homes to get scared - no, friends, it's time to come out of the terror closet and get scared in public!

This October looks to be a busier one than usual for me, since I'm getting married in Vegas on October 20th (!), so I'm not sure how many haunts I'm going to make it out to this year, but I will try my damnedest to see as many as possible. Here's an exhaustive look at the most promising newcomers, as well as what our perennial southern California favorites have in store for 2012, arranged by opening date:

OPENED SEPTEMBER 14:

Disneyland's Halloween Time  was the first out of the gate this year, opening on Friday, September 14th. You can read my 2009 review of the park's Halloween festivities here. It looks like the attractions are pretty much the same this year as in year's past: The Haunted Mansion will be transformed into Haunted Mansion Holiday with a Nightmare Before Christmas overlay, Space Mountain becomes Ghost Galaxy, and there will be a Dia de los Muertos celebration in Frontierland. Additionally, you can view the Art of Frankenweenie exhibit over at California Adventure for a look at props and puppets used in the making of the upcoming Tim Burton movie. Halloween Time at Disneyland will probably never make you scream in terror, but it will definitely make you feel like a kid again, in the best possible way.

Tickets to Disneyland are $87 to visit one park for those 10 & up, and $125 for a one-day park hopper ticket to visit both Disneyland and California Adventure. Halloween Time runs through October 31.

OPENS SEPTEMBER 21:

Knott's Scary Farm looks to be pulling out all the stops this year in honor of the 40th anniversary of their legendary Halloween Haunt. While the Haunt will always be a favorite, in recent years I've noted that some of the mazes were becoming a little stale. But even if you're an annual visitor, Knott's seems to have a lot of surprises up their collective spooky sleeve for 2012 - starting with their mascot, the Green Witch. YAY WITCHES. There are 13 mazes and themed rides - still more than any other local haunt - including holdovers like the excellent zombie maze Virus Z, the darkly romantic Terror of London and the vibrant Dia de los Muertos maze. There's also a return to form with the gothy vampire maze Dominion of the Dead, an Evil Dead-themed Log Ride and exciting new offerings like homicidal puppet maze Pinocchio Unstrung and the Halloween-themed Trick or Treat. For an additional $60 (for a group of up to 6 guests) you can also experience Trapped, a reservation-only interactive maze that you go through sans crowds for a more intimate (albeit somewhat costly) haunt experience. Unless you're flush with cash, better bring a few friends along for that one so you can split the fee.

Tickets to Knott's Scary Farm start at $36. The Halloween Haunt runs through October 31.

Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights is the other Big Haunt in the LA area, and while it can't match Knott's in terms of seniority or volume of mazes, it has frequently surpassed it in quality of makeup, maze design and fx, and it has the arguable advantage of basing its mazes on actual movies and popular horror franchises, from A Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th to Halloween and Scream. (Read my previous HHN coverage here.) I mean Jesus, they even have the Psycho house sitting there on the back lot! This year the Terror Tram (which is, in my opinion, the best part of HHN) is based on AMC's The Walking Dead, as is one of the mazes, along with Texas Chainsaw, Silent Hill, La Llorona and a new Alice Cooper maze. There is also a witch-themed scare zone, to which I again say, YAY WITCHES.

Tickets to Universal's Halloween Horror Nights start at $41. HHN runs through October 31.

OPENS SEPTEMBER 27:

 

One of the most intriguing new haunts (well...it's sort of a haunt, sort of a play) last year was the interactive theater experience Haunted Play presents Delusion. Guests enter a real crumbling old mansion and find themselves immersed in a terrifying plot as they dart from room to room, occasionally performing tasks or trying to escape the clutches of monsters and madmen. This year's attraction, called Haunted Play presents Delusion: The Blood Rite, has an entirely new backstory and promises to be even scarier than last year's. If you're interested in something a little different from the standard maze trudge or you'd like to see unbelievable stunts unfold right before your eyes, I highly recommend this event.

Tickets for Haunted Play presents Delusion: The Blood Rite start at $45, and the play runs through November 10.

OPENS SEPTEMBER 28:

Santa Monica's Paranoia Haunted Attraction, new for 2012, is - as far as I know - the first large-scale professional haunt to take place on the Westside. While it's exciting to think about not having to drive out to the Valley or down to Orange County for a little Halloween action, the 3 mazes at Paranoia don't sound terribly innovative in terms of content: There's a clown maze, an asylum/hospital maze and something called "Granny's Manor of Mayhem" which might be evil hillbillies (Pig's Kitchen?) but then again might be Washington Irving-inspired (Headless Horseman?). I am in no way writing off this attraction, mind you - in fact, I'm excited to find out how they fare in their first year. Definitely one to watch.

Tickets to Paranoia start at $24, and the attraction runs through October 31.

 

Anaheim's The Empty Grave is one of those haunts that I've always heard about, but I've never made it out to visit. Perhaps this year we can remedy that. The back story seems to center on some sort of haunted cemetery where the vengeful spirits of the dead have possessed the graveyard's groundskeeper. I kind of love the fact that there is no demented circus angle, no killer clowns with chainsaws, no slaughterhouse-dwelling inbred freaks...none of the standard haunt mainstays, just a simple cemetery overrun by the evil, evil dead.

Tickets to the Empty Grave are $13 (or two for $20), and the haunt runs through October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 4:

Here it is, ghouls: My most anticipated haunt for Halloween 2012, the Blumhouse of Horrors. This is another brand new one. Why am I looking forward to it so much? Three reasons: First, because it takes place in the old Variety Arts Theatre in downtown LA. I love old theatres! They always have such a spooky melancholy about them. Second, because the back story centers around a "twisted dark art magician." I love magic and magicians! The darker the better! And third, because this haunt is brought to you by the producers of the films Insidious, the upcoming Sinister and the Paranormal Activity franchise. I unabashedly love found-footage horror movies, and the movies that finally dethroned Saw at the box office will always have a special place in my heart. I'll take ghost stories over torture porn any day. Bring on the Blumhouse!

Tickets for the Blumhouse of Horrors start at $29, and the haunt runs through November 3.

OPENS OCTOBER 5:

Ah, the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride. Still the only attraction of its kind in LA. I love the Hayride and its haunted carnival vibe. (Read my coverage of LAHHs past here.) This year's theme is "The Congregation," and it looks to be a prequel of sorts to past Hayrides, with a special focus on cults. Ooh, creepy cults! Love it. They also promise a longer ride than in years past, and offer guests a brand new "You will get wet!" caveat. Color me intrigued. The In-Between dark maze (much improved last year) will also be returning. If you're looking for an attraction that evokes something a little more rustic than most LA haunts, I recommend the Hayride.

Tickets for the LA Haunted Hayride start at $29 for the Hayride only, and $37 for the Hayride and the In-Between maze. The LAHH runs through October 31.

Queen Mary's Dark Harbor was a fun surprise when I visited it for the first time back in 2010, and this year will see the addition of a brand new maze, called Deadrise, as well as several new monster mascots based on the ship's ghostly lore and naval history.

Tickets for the Queen Mary's Dark Harbor start at $20 (for early entrance between 7 and 8pm, price not valid after 8pm), and the event runs through October 31.

 

The Reign of Terror Haunted House in Thousand Oaks is, oddly enough, one I've never experienced with the lights out and monsters roaming the corridors, although what I did see when I took a behind-the-scenes tour back in 2010 was enough to make a hugely favorable impression on me. ROT is an independently owned and operated haunt with a lot of heart and impeccable attention to gory detail. If you're in the area, you're morally obligated to attend, and if you're a little far from Thousand Oaks, believe me when I say it's worth the drive. This year's haunt features four different mazes, from the OG Victorian-style haunted house that started it all to the brand new Miner's Revenge - well worth the almost absurdly low price of admission.

Tickets to Reign of Terror are $15, and the haunted house runs through October 31.

Pasadena's Old Town Haunt is another independent maze that offers a nice alternative to the steep prices and long lines of an amusement park haunt. Taking place in an old bank vault in Old Town Pasadena, this haunt - like the Queen Mary and the Blumhouse of Horrors - boasts a location that is potentially haunted year-round, adding an extra element of creepiness to the proceedings. I've only been once, but the Old Town Haunt was one of my favorites when I went a couple of years ago, and a definite must-do if you've never been. Note: Prepare to get on your hands and knees and conquer that claustrophobia!

Tickets for the Old Town Haunt start at $15, and the event runs through October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 12:

The Backwoods Maze in Burbank is one of the best yard haunts I've ever been to, and it's open for business again this year. It's amazing what they can do with such a small space. The maze is free, but donations are accepted, so bring a few bucks to pitch in toward their operating costs.

The Backwoods Maze is open on select nights through October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 20:

Another amateur Halloween spectacle that truly must be seen and experienced to be believed, Boney Island was a holiday stalwart in its Sherman Oaks neighborhood for many years before it was closed down due to the complaints of a crotchety neighbor. (Boo!) Luckily, said neighbor moved and last year Boney Island was back in business! The theme of this interactive family-friendly Halloween display (it's not exactly a haunt, since it's not scary in the least) used to be a carnival populated by skeletons, but since its resurrection it's taken on a whimsical skeleton magician theme. If you're feeling at all "grinchy" about Halloween this year, a quick jaunt to Boney Island to see the skeletons in action - and the delighted reactions of spectators both young and old - will put you in the spirit immediately.

Boney Island is free, and will be open on select nights between October 20 and October 31.

OPENS OCTOBER 27:

Again, not a haunt, but an area tradition nonetheless: The annual Dia de los Muertos celebration at the always delightful Hollywood Forever Cemetery. There may not be Halloween screams, but there will be plenty of opportunity to take joy in the macabre at this always-packed event. If you're planning to go, get there early. And I mean EARLY, because parking will be impossible and the line will be insurmountable if you wait until night falls to get there. Good luck!

Hollywood Forever's Dia de los Muertos celebration will be held this year on October 27, and general admission tickets are $10 (bring exact change).

The Haunted Diary Presents: Haunted Hollow is another brand new haunt this year - at least to me, although it looks as though this isn't their first year in operation. According to the write-up on Hollywood Gothique,

The Haunted Diary promises a “classic, vintage Halloween feel” that will recreate a 1970s small town. Trick-or-Treaters will first pass through cornfields and a swamp on the outskirts. Next, they will enter the village of Paxton and encounter the victims, before proceeding inside the Dent residence and the Paxton School house.

"Classic, vintage Halloween feel," you say? "1970s small town," you say? I'M THERE. This Hollywood yard haunt sounds totally unique and right up my alley.

The Haunted Diary Presents: Haunted Hollow is free, but donations are accepted, and it will operate on the nights of October 27 and October 31.

(Real Life) Hospital Horror

In case you're wondering where I've been, I'm sorry to report that I spent my favorite time of the year - the last two weeks of October - in the hospital. (Well, technically it was one week in the hospital, and one week recuperating in bed as a nasty tube continued to drain pus from my body. Fun!) What was the source of my ailment? None other than a ruptured appendix - the same medical emergency that killed Houdini more than 80 years ago. Fortunately, I didn't die (which means I'm tougher than Houdini, right?), and I have the disgusting pictures to prove it! If you would like to see what a ruptured appendix looks like up close and personal, click here. (Warning: Gross.)

Unfortunately, my unplanned absence means the following: I have no idea who won the last Queen Mary Dark Harbor ticket giveaway. I wasn't able to give away tickets to the Reign of Terror in Thousand Oaks. I never wrote my review for the Heritage Haunt in Newhall, which I attended (and enjoyed) mere days before I was stricken with appendicitis. And I never made it out to the Forbidden Haunt in Sherman Oaks, the Theatre 68 Haunted House or the Dia de los Muertos celebration at Hollywood Forever, all of which I had planned to cover. And I didn't even get to dress up on the big day! OH WELL. On the flipside, I didn't die shivering from pain and clutching my abdomen on a hospital bed, so hurray for that!

After leaving the hospital, I consoled myself (read: tortured my already addled mind) while recuperating at home with viewings of Halloween II and The Exorcist III, both of which are set largely in hospitals.

I had seen Halloween II before, but never all in one sitting. (I'm kind of a purist/snob when it comes to Halloween sequels, my affinity for the Rob Zombie reimaginings notwithstanding.) While it doesn't approach the perfection of the original, and a lot of stupid people make a lot of stupid choices, it's decent...especially compared to later atrocities like, you know, Halloween 6 or Resurrection.


Jamie Lee's wig is pretty distracting, but I could relate to the panic of being stalked by a killer while still dazed, drugged and disoriented in the hospital. The Halloween decorations at the hospital where I was staying called this movie vividly to mind, especially in my Dilaudid haze.

Let's not forget about the particularly brutal hospital scenes in the 2009 version of H2. Seriously, Michael Myers, why do you have to be such a dick?


As for the third Exorcist film, I had actually never seen it before, although I knew it was supposed to be good. Two very kind friends lent it to me in the spirit of torturing myself psychologically with even more hospital-set horror.

I have to say I dug this movie, and it definitely has its share of disturbing scares. It felt a little long, and the ending was semi-preposterous, but it is, after all, a movie about demonic possession, so I can't get too uppity. They're allowed to go over the top.

There were 3 scenes in this movie that will stay with me for a very long time, and I was able to find images of all three online - enjoy!

OMG WTF MY HEART RATE IS UP NOW!

OH SHIT WHAT SHE'S ON THE CEILING!?!

CATATONICS ARE SO EASY TO POSSESS!!!

In conclusion, try to avoid rupturing your appendix. And if you must, wait until the Halloween season has passed! Learn from my mistakes, friends.

Oh, and Happy (belated) Halloween!

P.S. This was my 100th post.